498. - Desus Nice

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. How long gone? Back in this bitch. It's a beautiful day in Money Making Manhattan. TJ, we're doing this a little early, so I know that you maybe haven't had time to pick up your dog's shit off the street, have enough coffees. Are you feeling kind of centered? Are you ready? I picked up all the shits that I needed this morning, and I just poured over a pour over with a little whole milk in there. I have the remnants of my element, Nalgene, yesterday. Sorry for... not using single-use plastics but it's been a week honey well we can there's always room for improvement that's what i love about you um oh man i yeah yeah it's been it's been a long morning already um i went to a uh i went to a uh delicious tiktok hot spot last night for dinner jason called don angie what's the the the food was delicious or the spot was delicious the vibe all things the food i mean no the food the food was fucking really good um so i'm happy it delivered There was a delicious stuffed garlic bread, several pastas touched the table, a nice light fish for the main. But, yeah, we were in the corner. They put myself and the, you know, Chris Storer, Josh Sr., and Cooper Weed, the guys behind the bear in a corner. And I, you know, I wasn't able to kind of get the lighting right for my videos, my, like, TikTok videos, because it just wasn't right.

I didn't ask to be moved. That felt like rude. You know what I mean? So I just kind of, unfortunately, there's not a lot of content from the evening. Damn. So I want to apologize to my followers as well as a foodie, you, that I wasn't able to kind of snap some flicks of some of the dishes that touch the table. Well, flicks are fine, Chris. Flicks are fine. We don't need flicks anymore. We need video. We need foods that have motion. I need stringy cheese. I know. I need to figure out what is that garlic bread stuffed with, Chris? It was a cheese. It was more like a... Truffles? No, there were no shavings. There was no... table side anything um but there were a lot of delicious vegetable sides did you get your money back there was no money exchange for this meal that's why i love going out with the guys from the bear uh it's it's a nice it's it's a nice treat um season two june 22nd you guys get ready for that on on fx you already know you already know set your dvrs uh jeremy allen white's biceps will be kind of taking over the screen set your dvrs um But then I woke up this morning and I was kind of – there was something I wasn't super pleased about going on online. There's bad stuff going on online today, isn't there? There's always bad stuff going online today. First of all, I found out Ron DeSantis is only 5'7", so that hurts. But then also I found out – That one's got a sting. I'm sorry, bro. That one's got a sting. But then I found out that – Lizzie Grant, better known as Lana Del Rey to the gay community, is kind of participating in her dad's musical career, Rob Grant, who signed to Universal Music, and he's promoting something called Nepo Daddy. And I just... I haven't heard the music. I haven't checked it out. There's a GQ story with them sailing. Lana looks beautiful in some Brandy Melville. Rob looks great for his age. Lost at Sea is the album. But do you feel like, Jason, maybe Nepo Daddy is a bridge too far? I think so. I think he might be trying to pander to Lana's gay community a little too much with Nepo Daddy. I mean, he is technically a Nepo Daddy, and I don't know if he came up with this or if somebody at...

what record label universal or whatever yeah i hope this was a creation by a universal music group social media intern person yeah and not him or even worse lana because it is pretty embarrassing but i think i want i want to like wear one of his hats that says lost at sea but you have to buy like an 85 vinyl bundle in order to get that so that ship has sailed unfortunately i'm i think it's cool that You know, daddy is a musician. He gets to release an album on Universal Music Group just because his daughter is Lana Del Rey. I mean, these things have happened for a long time where like... From Kris Jenner's to you name it. I think Lady Gaga's dad might have put out an album before he opened an Italian restaurant. I'm almost positive he did. I'm not mad at him putting out an album. I guess the Nepo Daddy pandering is just so extreme. I don't know. What if the music slaps? Is that even possible? I think if the music was good, they would have led with that. I think that's why they had to do a spread where they go on a boat ride and stuff. spend eight thousand dollars to get some photos of some you know a tommy bahama dad and yeah and his daughter that he's super proud of that pays his mortgage but but still like it can't be good if it was good everyone would have been like yo this is good yeah i know you're right and it is like the new billy ray cyrus is actually good like no one said that so that's just what happened you're right though it does it does just look like tommy bahama but i guess that's i mean that's that's pretty sellable i mean which i'm cool with yeah i was having a fun life yeah tommy bahama is some gen pop gold um but i i hope that i hope that this sells well we'll check back once the billboard numbers drop in a couple weeks and let you know if he sold more or less than 100 100 copies of the seven inch that's available in the universal music universal music merch store what if what if lana del rey is like lana del rey's team is like all right The worst has happened. We're afraid of this. First week sales of your dad's album, Nepo Daddy, it's not doing well. We need to shake things up a little bit. And everyone gasps. We're like, what is it? We're like, all right, we've got to have him release a statement saying,

dr luke sexually assaulted him there's gotta be something yeah something to get a little tantalizing on the hook i mean i don't know what else he can do i don't know if the only fans for the 60 plus is booming like that i don't know what his deal is i mean he might even be i mean i don't know if he's still i would guess that Based on Lana's output, there's no way that her parents are still married. So maybe he's single and kind of looking to mingle, which could be cool. Maybe he hooks up with an age-appropriate female actress. Maybe it's like, oh no, spotted out, Lana Del Rey's dad and Julianne Moore. That's crazy. Yeah, Keanu's wife. An upmarket, age-appropriate woman would be good for him and good for his sales, I think. But I don't know. I'll follow this story closely. Don't worry. I'm tap the F in to this one. I'm just happy that you're able to... find something involving Lana Del Rey to sink your teeth into because I want this to be more of a Lana-friendly space so we can continue to kind of pander to our 40% gay audience. No, look, I love that Lana Del Rey is famous and worshipped. I just don't understand the music. I just can't get into it. I like everything about her except the music. I know, but like the same way... I love Randy Melville. I love the nails. Yeah, you love... you'll have cutters the list goes on but yeah i think it really is just like when people are like tj like i don't know i can't i can't take an edible i just like go crazy and i'm like you got to push through bro but then the problem is once you push through and you're like i can do it i can finally listen to lana and then you start realizing like oh i'm like pulling my eyebrows out now and like oh i forgot to shower again today like there are good sides and downsides to it oh tj i can finally i finally can take edibles now i'm up to 400 milligrams a day And I, I sold my truck because like, I don't need it, but like, you know, like your life kind of starts unraveling, but you can't stop with Lana. It's because she's, you know, it's like witchcraft or something. So I'm okay. So maybe I'm better off. Like if it didn't, if it didn't, if I'm not into it by now, it will, with music to me, it's like, there's just so much out there. You know, if something's not for you, it's easy to move on and find something that is. Lana's like Gigi Allen or Apex twin.

It ain't for most people. You've got to really be built for this. And when I mean built for this, I mean sort of suicidal. Yes, suburban, suicidal, hang out in parking lots of gas stations as the sun sets. Wait, so you do listen to Lana. Those are lyrics from her fourth album. Wait a second, you said you didn't listen to her. No, I love that I feel like a lot of people who like her... are pretending to like the music because they like what she stands for, which is the power of Lana. And that's something that I respect from a creative standpoint and as a lover of celebrity. Yeah, I mean, that's everybody. Did you see the video of Lily Rose Depp at Cannes in an insane Chanel gown smoking a cigarette while the paparazzi flashed and yelled at her? I did see that, and it did look AI-generated, which is a bummer because... She is trying to wave the flag of like, this is real, kind of cunty glam. Nobody is serving this, so I'm going to serve it. But when it happens in 2023, it looks so staged that it doesn't feel authentic to me. There's an uncanny valley to it. Does that make sense to you? Or am I in my edible bag too much? No, I disagree, but I know what you mean. I just think that I'm so sick of hearing about AI that when a hot chick smokes a cigarette, I want to leave AI out of the conversation. But I know what you mean. Maybe AI is the wrong thing. Maybe it looked as if she's doing that and she had rehearsed this situation because somebody from her team told her to do that. You know what I mean? No, no, no, no. Lily Rose Depp is not a good enough actress to do that, first of all. So don't worry about that. I don't think that's... She practiced for six months to be able to walk and smoke a cigarette at the same time. Not as easy as it looks, honey. I think it's so rare that I see why you would go there because you're kind of a doomer. But I think that at Cannes, this is maybe the one place where things like this still happen because there's...

that's the only place it should happen, and it can. Yeah, it can. No pun intended. Every year, you get the Tumblr repost vids of, like, Nicole Kidman smoked a cigarette at a press conference in 2004, and it was, like, so fucking cunt. Oh, my God. You know, like, stuff like that. And it is cool to see somebody still waving the flag and carrying on these traditions of... Cigarette smoking in France, you know? But the real question is, how bad is the show? How bad is the idol? Is it worth the weekend abandoning his stage name? Like, is it? I don't, you know, I don't know. It got a five minute. It only got a five minute standing. Exactly. Five minutes is I mean, which is suicide in this town. If Scorsese got nine minutes, you got five. It's time to pack the Ramo and head back to L.A. Like it ain't it ain't happening for you, chief. Yeah. You know, but I don't I'm sure the show is terrible. And that was a courtesy ovation. Courtesy ovation out of respect for Vanessa Paradis and Johnny Depp. They gave her a five minute standing ovation out of respect for for the face, the face of Dior and one of France's greatest exports. Oh, but I don't. know if um Dior Sauvage I think people are going to watch it uh obviously because it's they think it's going to be um I think it's going to be like a hate watch type of thing but I also think that uh that it because it's the guy from Euphoria people are expecting a lot of sex drugs and violence which I think it will deliver on I just think it'll probably be lacking in kind of plot and stuff like that. Which is fine because we are sort of in that revival of, you know, early aughts or whatever, you know, 2004 type shit where, like, television was horseshit back then and we were just fine with it. And I think this is okay. It's just like, hey, like, here's a show full of hot people. Story ain't much, but you don't need that, right? You're just watching this to go... just say oh my god i die and just talk through it and judge everything no one's going to be glued to it i think it'll be a situation similar to and just like that where everyone's like oh my god this fucking train wreck i can't stop watching it it's such a nightmare and then by the end of it you're like i'm ready for season two like yeah i'm here now with che yeah it's possible i mean it's also because like what else are we gonna watch you know well yeah i mean that's the thing a fucking with the strike another bridgerton spinoff or something

Yeah, that's right. Those will never come out, so we're stuck with The Weeknd trying to act. I guess it could be worse. At least it'll be sexy. If they didn't get Dan Levy in it, it would have had a chance to get some legs. He's too virginal. He's too virginal for the show. I think he plays a virginal industry exec, so it's not like a stretch for Levy. You know what I mean? But I'm sure his pants will be cropped. kinky closets he's doing way more gnarly shit than whatever lily rose is oh but uh well don't worry we're going to talk to our guests about lily rose dub and and so much more We got Deezus Nice on the pod today. Yeah, it's long overdue. He's now an L.A. resident, but he's back in New York. He's doing some fill-in hosting, and I think that's what's got him back here, or maybe he's just here to tap in with his people and visit his cat. He could be here because the weed stores here actually sell weed, so there could be that as well, but let's give him a Zoom, and we're going to get into all this and more. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web. So do our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues. Obviously. Maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world, writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly. A website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could, you know, have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools so those future graduates can find me. And, you know, I'm able to accept, quote, unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. Show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional as your competition, if not more.

So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable. And they're just easy, but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics, but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash howlong for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, even on a nice holiday, now available in Canada. That is quince.com slash howlong. That'll get you free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com slash howlong. Oh, yeah. What's up, guys? Yeah, back in New York. Not for the hosting gig. I came back. It was my birthday weekend. Oh. I had to come through and, you know, shut it up. Do all the traditional New York stuff. I actually ended up at karaoke in Sing Sing on Thursday night, my actual birthday, as if I was a 15-year-old at Bronx High School of Science. With Seagrass, there we go. Had a little private frenzy family bash in the back of Finney's Pizza. You know, I had to do the leech dip. Then we covered on Saturday at Clotestino's, you know, a little dinosaur action. Wow, okay, all right, all right, all right. Listen, we're out here. We're out here in the streets. Damn, you went for a...

Jewel's to Sky Ferreira in like five blocks. That's impressive. You're doing it all. At one point, I was so drunk, I ended up at the Delancey Street McDonald's and bought a cheeseburger. That's the most dangerous thing ever. Is that for old time's sake, or did you not realize what you were doing? Oh, I knew exactly what I was doing. I was like, once you leave New York, you appreciate everything in New York, or you appreciate shitty stuff. I'm walking down that terrible tunnel that takes you from the F train, to the one and i'm like skipping i'm just i'm whimsical about it okay well what happens when what happens when you a person who is of note now walks into McDonald's on Delancey at 4 or 15 a.m. Do people freak out and take photos? Do they respect your privacy? What's going on? Oh, no. It's Delancey Street McDonald's. Everyone looks at you like, fuck you. I hate my life and I hate you for existing as well. They don't give a shit. I'll kill your fucking family right now. Exactly. Unless you got clean needles, you ain't doing anybody any good at the Delancey Street McDonald's. Exactly. You're just taking up space. That McDonald's is so wild because everyone there is like either uber eats or just like about to steal some food from the counter so you have to get there and get your food as soon as it comes out yeah yeah yeah it's it's it's kind of a competitive space without everyone realizing that but i do think that that is a that is a place where i think new yorkers respect each other and definitely wouldn't say what's up no matter what because it is that absolutely it's death's door in a lot of ways and this man is here doing dirt i'm gonna let him do his thing exactly it deserves it deserves landmark status and i think it doesn't matter before Eric Adams does a press conference. I mean, but they did redo it fairly recently. It's an all-new Delancey McDonald's with all the technology and design tweaks, correct? Yeah, they turned it into a brownstone, right? Yes. It looks like one of those Taco Bell... Taco Bell Cantinas, which all they did was kind of turn down the lights inside of the Taco Bell. We were talking about the Taco Bell Cantina recently. Have you been there, Jason? Well, we were in Vegas. I haven't been to the one in New York. I didn't go to the one in Vegas either because of self-respect and stuff. There's one in Times Square that's open until 4 in the morning. You don't want to go to that one.

Taco Bell margaritas? Ooh, I don't know what they put in them, but they hit different. They're hitting? Okay, so the Casamigos at the Taco Bell Cantina is hitting different. Do you think that they... Okay, so the only difference is they serve hard alcohol. That's the only difference. Literally the only difference. They don't even bring it to your table. You still got to go up to the front and pick it up yourself. But you know what? You're drunk, so it works. Yeah, yeah. If you're going there drunk, so it's okay to pick up your own margarita. That's the only way you can really appreciate Taco Bell. And weirdly, since I've moved to LA, I eat so much Taco Bell because it's like the only thing open when everything closes at 2 a.m. And you can get a door dash to your apartment or your house in like 20 minutes. So they know me. They know I'm a disgusting person. When I open the Grubhub app, it's like, hey, Piggy, you want your slop? And I'm like, yeah, let's go. All right. All right. Question. So you're talking about, you know, being drunk, blacking out, all this stuff, ordering food late at night. What's the over under on falling asleep before the Piggy's little slop shows up at the front door? You know what? None. My sleep cycle in L.A., I really have like a terrible sleep cycle here in New York, which works perfectly in L.A. so like i'm up and i never go to sleep and also you can't really get drunk like that in la because the bars aren't open like unless i'm gonna be there from like five in the afternoon until 2 a.m you know you get a nice little buzz you come home play a little call of duty watch sports center write some terrible scripts or lately i've been writing terrible poetry because i'm in my length i'm in my uh richard wright terrible uh lembrick phrase And also it's the WGA strike, so you can't write anything good. You can't write. You shouldn't even. Honestly, from what I'm hearing, touching the pen alone could get you in trouble. So you better be careful with that. I don't want you to go scab mode. Yes, they put out the guild rules before the strike started, and it's just like.

They got, like, a snitch number. Like, if you see people writing, like, I'm like, whoa. And now, like, even when I'm, like, texting my WGA friends, you know, you can't be too, you know, witty inside the text, you know, because they listen. The thought of somebody walking into, like, a coffee bean in West Hollywood and seeing somebody on a laptop and calling their WGA representative to tell on them is really, that's really something. Listen, you got to rep the gang. That better be a personal email. Exactly. I didn't know it was that. I didn't know it was that extreme. dream yeah the only the only witty writing you're allowed to do is when you when you're writing signs the signs i went to the protest and i was actually surprised a lot of the signs like they have pre-written signs for you if you don't want to like write your own signs and then i was trying you know as a new yorker i had to make it about myself so my sign was gonna say unlike the knicks we're gonna win but you know what I didn't have time to explain it, and the next I just lost. You know, okay, I got killed on this podcast for making fun of those signs because I thought they weren't funny. I did hear. I heard that episode. I heard that episode. You're a bold man for that. I don't think that's bold. That's my whole point. That's an obvious statement because if you have a sense of humor, you recognize that they're not funny, and I was talking about this with some other guild members last night, and they were like, yeah, bro, you just can't do that. Like, you just, sorry. Yeah, it's like clowning somebody for, like, not doing a good thing. funeral speech. It's like, sure, maybe they didn't kill it, but you can't really talk about it. You can't make fun of somebody. I mean, if you're still able to make funny signs in week four, my hat off to you. The first week, it was like, hey, this is cool. We got to hop in on a protest. Succession. Ha ha ha. Exactly. Now it's like, yo, week four is getting a little nervous now. Can we get back to the table? What's going on? I guess also, I didn't think it was supposed to be fun. Right. You know what I mean? But I guess we have to make every, that's my, you're, you're out of work and you're mad. So I thought that would maybe come through, but I guess we all cope with things differently. Right. And then also the difference between like WGA East versus WGA West protests, like the WGA West protests.

You know, it's California. It's a little more laid back, a little more friendly. You know, the WGA East protest, like, you've got to dip your fist in honey and then put them in broken glass and you're ready to die for this shit. All right? Flipping over cars. This is not a joke. Nothing but respect about WGA brothers. Yeah, if you don't write your own sign in LA, they got your own in New York. If you didn't bring your own baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire, we have those for you. You can hold this. Just having loose box cutters like it's high school. Yo, just hold this. Just take one. Just take one. But I agree. It should not be fun. i guess right they shouldn't look like they're having too much fun but also i shouldn't i'm not allowed to talk about any of that obviously well yeah it's not it also is not fun and also sadly like in la when you go to a bar because like here in new york you know like the news covers things that are more um more relevant to new york like things like those sadly that will happen with the kids in harlem that went disappearing and stuff but in la you know everyone talks about the strike because everyone's affected by it and when you go to like a bar or such you'll you'll meet people and you'll be talking to them and they're like yo we're writers like you know we're worried about paying daycare money and stuff like stuff like i i don't even think about that kind of stuff but like people are really going through it so you know people are doing their best to just like survive it so you know the signs you know if that's what gets them through it hey god bless yeah they should try drugs they should try drugs but i guess those are expensive so i get it also yeah when you're also you know having kids as a writer is crazy though i mean you gotta know what you're getting into yeah that's kind of your first mistake Well, they like to create, so. They like to create. They do like to create. That's a good point. Yeah, I'm a creator. World building that pussy. I got eight kids. I'm a creator. Let's talk about bars in LA. You recently had a little piece about you posted up at 33 Taps, which is Silver Lake's most iconic gay sports bar, taking that over as a Knicks zone. What's the vibe there? I have watched basketball games there before with friend of the show.

Tom how to dress well. It's a nice spot. Oh, it's a great spot. You know, I have a lot of friends in Silver Lake because, you know, it's basically Brooklyn West. Everyone dresses like a Viceland employee. So, you know, the first time I'm walking by and I see this bar and it has all these TVs. So I was like, I guess that would be the place for me to, like, go watch a Knick game. I go in there and I run to this guy named Peter and, like, three other people. They're Knick fans. And then, like, I was like, is this where we're watching Nick stuff? And I was like, yeah, this is where we're watching Nick stuff. That group of four turned to, like, 10, and that turned to, like, 20. And then after the piece, it was almost 40 deep. Just Nick fans. Just the most annoying thing you could ever hear as an L.A. resident. People talking about Yonkers and Hoboken. Oh, hell no. Or you can get a nice bagel. Not Yonkers. People were like, hey, Metro North? I was like, yeah, bro. Harlem line. Like, you don't want to hear that. And one of the comments underneath the story was like, wow, New Yorkers making something about themselves. You never hear that. And I was like, you know what? Yeah, that's what we do. This is what we do. But shout out to 32 taps. It's a cool spot. The staff is super friendly. They allowed us to do a fuck Trey Young chant, even though there were children in the building. That's the vibe we're going for. So you're kind of people. I mean, I guess that this is – so are these – I guess with sports, because we're not really sports guys, but what I find so interesting is that it – it really breaks down barriers, right? Like, these are people you might never want to associate with in real life, but for those couple hours at 33 Taps, these are your brothers. Absolutely. Or have you made, or have some of these people seeped into your regular life, or you try to keep it church and state? Oh, no, they seeped into your regular life because, like, now the Knicks, you know, they got defeated, but... We still show up. We'll watch Celtics. I can't root for the Celtics, but I'll just sit there. My fellow Knicks fans will just sit there and commiserate and just roll our eyes at people enjoying life as real New Yorkers do. What do you think about the way the NBA is working now where there's just no time off any time now? Off-season, on-season, there's just so much content to consume. Do you think NBA fans need to take a break for at least two weeks?

Just paid time off from hoops? PTO? You know, people are loving it. And it's also a weird thing to experience in L.A. since the start time for games is different. So, like, here in New York, you know, like, a game would start at 7, and then, like, when the game ends, you probably go to a bar at 10 and then probably go back home or something like that. In L.A., it starts at 4.30. After that, you know, you can go to dinner. You can, like, go see your children. You can do real things. It's not as bad over there. The Lakers got to see this, so I don't even know if people are still going to be watching. But I think people really enjoy... This season has been amazing to watch. Even as a casual observer, even if you're at a bar, you'll see a game and be like, holy shit, this shit is kind of rocking. I think the fans like it. Electrifying. I think the fans like it too, but I guess it's like... There seems to be levels to fandom where it's like, I'll watch playoffs or finals because it, like, matters. And, like, I like to see the athleticism and I like to see fights and stuff. But, you know, like, are you following trades in the offseason and shit? Are you watching the draft? Like, how far do you take it? Oh, I'm not plugged in like that. Like, I wish I could be, but I got too much going on. Like, to follow trades and drafts and all those stats, people are always, like, people are kind of disappointed because they're like, Jesus, I know you know all the stats. I was like, don't we? team i know anything about is the knicks and barely like don't ask me like what college this person went to i barely know what college i went to so you're asking a lot just put it all down yeah no i mean people people being like what followed you since high school i'm like bro you follow that sounds like that sounds like pedophile shit right i'd be careful i'd be careful with that i ain't following i'm not watching lebron's son play middle school basketball on a It's an illegal stream. That just seems too far. It's like you go on IG, and then you see all your friends are following Bronny on IG, and I was like, I ain't doing that. Hey, hey, hey. I literally saw yesterday that Bronny wore a Chrome Hearts tuxedo to his prom, and I was like, I don't want to know this. I don't want to know that Bronny wore Chrome Hearts and took a white chick to prom. I don't want to know about this, but I have to. I bet. Did he drive a Tesla? Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Oh, damn. Jesus does listen. Jesus does listen. I do listen. Religiously. You guys don't understand. A lot of my life in L.A., before I make big decisions, I stop and ask myself, what would Chris and Jason do? Wow, I'll take that. I'll take that. You want to talk about a co-sign. I did take a white girl to prom, so that's fine. Well, for our listeners who don't know the reference he made when we had an Uber driver and was in Chicago or Philly a few weeks ago. he was mentioning how all of his kids' friends want to take a Tesla to prom. And Chris was like, that's not that big of a deal. Tesla's like a $30,000 car. And he said, it is a big deal for black kids. And Chris was like, oh, okay. It is. Listen, I drove with Tesla the other day on the 5. Passed that place with all the cows and it has a terrible name that I can't say. And you know what? I really enjoy a Tesla. It's a cool car. I do too. I get it. You know, superchargers and all that. like i get it i don't support giving elon money but it seems to be the only car you're allowed to drive in la so you know maybe i'll get one i was gonna ask you though what's the journey with the car because i feel like when i saw you in la you were still kind of making some decisions and i i just feel like this is a it's a big personality choice you know it's like a yeah you know what it's it seems very stressful a lot of my friends especially when we go to like west hollywood like the ciphering the signs about where you can park and like oh it's crazy permits and all that's another language i don't i don't know if i want to stop it for that you would rather you would rather just uber and not deal with it because you don't need a car to kind of flex you're you you're comfortable enough in your manhood where you don't need a g-wagon sir i only take lyft as a possible lyft ambassador okay um no definitely no like usually

It's actually better for working because I'm able to, like, take Zooms in the back of the car and just, like, read stuff in the back of the car. And then it's, like, so much easier to not have to worry about parking. And then, like, you know, if you go to, like, a lunch and, like, you know, like, there's, like, kind of a drunk driving culture in L.A. And I'm just like, yeah, that's not really the vibe because you guys already don't know how to drive. You grew up – I forgot you grew up in New York. I'm from Atlanta where drunk driving is part of my – it was part of my upbringing. It's the vibe. Yeah, it was part of my upbringing. Listen. My father moved to West Palm Beach. Believe me, I get it. Because the other day, we went to a bar. And it's just like, he's getting in the car. And I'm like, what are you doing? I was like, let me call a lift. And he's like, you're wasting money. And I was like, there's always broken glass in the intersection right by your house. You guys don't need to be just gallivanting in cars. Gallivanting is the word West Indian is used. For traveling. Yeah, they do. I shout everyone out with that. No, no, no. I agree with you, but I think that – I guess my problem with the lifting everywhere is that I just – like to go to the gym or to the grocery store, there's those day-to-day things that it feels annoying. But obviously, like what you're talking about, it makes total sense. But I think you're going to break down and get a car. I think you're going to – I don't know. You're right. You're right. Every now and then, you know, I can't be walking to the downtown Whole Foods looking sexy, trying to flirt with people with my little tote bag and trying to come back with a big ass box of kitty litter. It just doesn't work, especially as it's getting warmer. So, you know, downtown Whole Foods. Yeah, he lives downtown by choice, bro. Damn, you're on your little Eddie Wong shit. Oh, yeah. That's crazy. You know what it is? Downtown is basically the Bronx with more trees. So it's kind of a vibe. I enjoy it. People are like, it's dangerous. I like at night when it feels like the set of The Walking Dead. But I love it. It's walkable. I got my little dispensary down there. The only problem for me with downtown over there is it's just so pissy. Just human piss, animal piss, piss everywhere. You know what? That's something I had to learn because I was walking my dog down there. And I was like, wow.

The dogs down here, like, they take huge dump. And then I was like, wow, this is not dog dump. It's totally different. That's a compliment to New York because even in the hoodies of hoods, it never smells like human piss the way it does in LA. There's certain areas in New York that, listen, it smells like a corner on the 59th Street subway where someone's just been pissing for years. That's a good point. Sometimes it makes me a little homestead. I live in West Hollywood and honestly, it's not that much better. I don't know. I think everywhere. Jason lives in Glendale, so it's definitely more clean i think you have to go that extreme if you really want to avoid human piss in la at this point i really do i don't think there's anywhere you can go right when i used to i used to come here last year a lot for work and i'd always stay at the london so i got super familiar with hollywood and i always thought i would end up living there but bro those hills are killer what do you mean just like what the hills are necessary because the the piss runs down into the flats that's kind of why everyone in la lives Gotcha. Yeah, if you live on the top, yeah, you're fine. Where I live in the bottom is just a piss pool. I'm trying to work my way up. But choosing to stay at the London is also really something. So are you, like, the London is, I mean, there's a song about it, obviously, that we know. That's a side chick hotel, right? Yeah, it really is. Yeah. It's the SLS Plus. Listen, at one point, I was thinking at the London so much, like, I checked it one time. And they were like, hey, how you doing? Here's your room key. I was like, you don't want to go to explain the Wi-Fi? They were like, you were here last week. I was like, all right, fine. They're like, we don't need to see your ID, chief. Like, it's all good. Just get out of here. I'd like to know where the gym is, if you don't mind. I literally sent them, you know how they send you the survey after you stay there? I filled it out, and I said to them, I was like, hey, you should change the menu options, because, you know, they've been the same for about five months.

I check it the next time. I saw behind the desk was like, hey, just want to let you know, you know, most people don't stay here as much as you do. And I was like, okay, wow. Did I get for feedback? They're like, bitch, that acai bowl ain't coming off the menu, so don't try it again. Exactly. I thought customer loyalty was a good thing where I'm from. They're like, enjoy this brick chicken. I was like, all right, fine. Not the brick chicken. Now, are you eating a lot of room service or are you trying to get out and enjoy the local vittles of the neighborhood? Well, right now, I'm on my spiritual journey through L.A., just going to all the hot spots and just anywhere that people go. Also, you know, I know you guys don't like to talk about this. Shout out to my favorite restaurant, Horses. You know, a bit of a drama lately, but, you know, not too much on them. Like, good little spot. Also, I love that she was like, the maitre d is mean. I love her. Shout out to Amanda. But, yeah. Shout out to horses. They always hug me. Oh, okay. Maybe she's nice to you. That's interesting. She's nice to celebrities. Wow, that's weird. Well, you know what? At horses, he was like, you are in a perfect position, Jesus, because you're not really a celebrity. Like if people know who you are, they're like, yo, that's Jesus. But the average person in LA, they're just like, hey, that's the one black guy in Silver Lake. So, you know, people just let me go. No, you are in a good position. I agree. They see you and they say, thank you for your service, sir. Carry on. Yeah, that's a great place to be, especially because I think this happens to us a little bit where like the people who make decisions and are actually cool listen to the show. So it works out for us more than it doesn't, but no one actually cares. But if it's at a restaurant or a club or a bar or, I don't know, deadline, they listen to the show. Oh, absolutely. The GM somewhere, the bar back hates us, but the GM's like, all right, we got you. Well, Jesus, after listening to that episode about horses, I'm a little on the fence. I want to go back and eat there, but I worry that I might not be welcome.

we hit them with a little too much razzle dazzle, or do you think they'll be okay with us coming in? I think they'll be fine when you come in. It's like, it's such a, not insular topic, but it's definitely like inside LA baseball. And like, you guys are the reporters. Listen, I was trying to talk. I'm literally trying to talk to people all weekend about horses in New York. And people are like, Jesus, what the fuck are you talking about? And I'm like, no, it's just fine. They have this burger and there's some cash. Everyone's like, we don't want to talk about that. That's the best breakdown. This is the safe space for bicoastal jerks such as myself to listen to this. And I can let out a relief. No, no, totally. So, you know, like, this is. we're here for you i mean i want to go if i was in la i'd be back i mean i've been told it's it's humming there's no issues i feel like the staff maybe has been told like there's been brief you know how to handle it um but but like but this is the whole thing like my my friend who uh is working on a documentary about it already um which is oh wow that's that's not a joke and he's got money for it so it's like gonna happen but he was basically like You have to remember regular people don't know anything about this. Regular people that have made this reservation a month and a half ago don't care and don't know. They don't read Vanity Fair. They don't follow you on Instagram. It's all good. That's why I think it'll continue to thrive. That's Jason and I's... That's our official statement. I completely agree. I completely agree. Jesus, can we, the three of us, go eat there together? If they try to kick us out, it'll be like, damn, I guess... Celebrity icon, Desus, nice, can't dine here anymore either. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to. Let's test your swag, bro. Let's test your swag. Let's test my swag. I don't want to risk it, but I do, I do. i do owe chris because chris uh like it was probably like my first week in la you took me to that place so what was it the san vicente bungalows yeah oh my god that was my that was my blind side i was like whoa i sat down i was like they put a sticker on my phone i was like holy shit

I was like, whoa. The sticker on the phone is a bit extreme, but I think at this point it's part of the whole experience. I think a lot of people would be disappointed if it didn't happen. You know what I mean? I think you're expecting it. It's chilled out in the last couple years, but at first it was a real hot chick signifier. You'd see they keep the sticker on the phone to let you know that they were there. A producer took them to dinner, that kind of thing. It's like keeping the summer jam. wristband on for a month after. Let everybody know. Or leaving the tags that you get when you go skiing. Leaving the lift pass on your north face to kind of jingle around. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Telluride was bonkers this weekend. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone, It was brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need a fucking something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs. handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code

how long taskers book up faster, especially for same day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code how long with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? Especially when it's not from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. But now that you, I want to talk to you about weed. Now that you're living in LA, has the Zaza intake increased, decreased? Are you keeping level? Are you not getting too excited? I'm assuming you had easy access to marijuana when you lived in New York, so it's not that crazy for you, right? It's not that crazy, but in New York, you don't have access to just marijuana. You don't know what type of marijuana it is. If you ask if it's Sativa or Indica, they're like, go fuck yourself. You're like, all right, fine. You know. you know there's like roach spray on it so it's weird I did find a great dispensary that you know like they have hard candies they got gummies they got rope they got it by the jar like 10 grams all this stuff but I'm such a weed head I'm there on what was it April 19th and it's so crowded inside the dispensary and I got the security guard I was like why is it so busy he's like tomorrow's 420 I was like oh amateurs like listen bro

We ain't smoking for fun over here. Some of us have crippling anxiety. We ain't smoking for fun over here. We ain't smoking for fun. Damn. This is medicinal, bro. Exactly. But then there's like, I've grown up smoking on using, you know, the Entourage blunt wraps. Sure. They're only available in New York apparently. You can't buy them in California. Wait, no, I don't know. You can't get them shipped to California. No, tell me about it. Because I was more of a classic Swisher guy in my time. Right. So I would love. What is the entourage? How does it compare to a White Owl or a Swisher? You know, it's cheaper than a Swisher, but it burns slower. And when you're smoking garbage New York weed, it balances out because it has a touch of tobacco in it. But the thing is, you can't get it shipped to L.A. So when I come to New York... Poppy at the bodega, he always puts aside three boxes that are 50 count, and I put them in a box and I ship them to LA. That's celebrity for you. Wow, Deezus, are you doing the unflavored offering, or are you doing like a pink vanilla? What are you doing? You know what? I was doing the pink, but I switched back to the yellow because the yellow, you can refill the top of it, which means that you can roll up a nice little fatty, and then you can take it to a bar. And then you can smoke outside. And when you come back in the bar, the person next to you is like, wow, the guy next to me reached his marijuana. And I was like, I thought that was cool in L.A., but apparently we're going to be judges. I'm glad to know. OK, so you're saying you roll up the hog leg. You put it you put it in your jacket pocket. You seal it. And then you go outside and smoke it. Can you take the full blunt to the face at the bar? Or do you try to save half for later? You know what? Save half for later in case you're going to another spot. Keep the night moving. Because, like, I have a super high tolerance. So, like, there's nothing. I can go too much. Okay. All right. Swag out on him. Okay. Listen, bro. Listen. At night, come home. It might be a blunt, an edible, a Bex, and maybe be some mushrooms. Bro. Listen. We ain't even close to going to bed. Okay. So.

because jason's a lightweight when it comes to marijuana and he's been he's i mean i guess jason as an adult you're a relatively new convert to like the daily smoker vibe yeah like this is this is in the last like three to four years right oh wow yeah i would say so yeah i mean i always smoked a little bit here and there but now now it is a daily thing and it is also not for fun the same as you i i love a nice indica to kind of Keep my anxiety chill. Yeah, I just need it. I start the day with it, you know. You start your day with it? I start the day with it. It's our little baseline right there, you know, just that and some coffee, and then, you know, we get started. So you're doing a hippie speedball in the a.m. You're having a couple pulls and then a nice strong pour over. I'm sure you're doing something nice at the house when it comes to coffee. You know what? I, you know, I had to learn another word. I was being basic because I was going to. starbucks and apparently you're not allowed to do that you have to go to like a very fancy independent coffee shop you can't just be going to like a national chain like that so you know sometimes i'm one beautiful boston cherry we'll go to like hilltop which is cool there's a cafe cow they'll be having some good stuff or i'll go to intelligentsia in silver lake if we want to be spotted wow okay so you're I love you going to Intelligentsia and Silver Lake like it's 2007. That's perfect. You with the dog pulling up. Just pulling up. Pulling up, have my MacBook out. Hopefully I don't get started and report it on too long. Yeah, I was going to say, Intelligentsia and Silver Lake, that's Ryder's Zone right there. Manzoukas is there every fucking day writing a fucking commercial for a washer and dryer company or something. So just keep your eyes peeled is all I'm saying. But you're right. Going to Starbucks... I mean, I'm on the record with this, but going to Starbucks in a major city does seem insane, so I'm glad you kind of acclimated quickly. Right. I'm glad that you realized your mistake. That's airports only. Exactly. I'll still go there to get the pup cup for my dog, but, you know, I can't be seen drinking that smell. Okay, okay, okay. What the fuck is a pup cup? It's a puppuccino. It's a whipped cream in a cup. Bro, I'm going to hang up. What the fuck is a puppuccino?

It is whipped cream in a cup, and you give it to your dog, and everyone at the Starbucks is like, oh, that's so cute. And your dog, the problem with it is now your dog, every time you pass a fucking Starbucks, your dog pulls it there like, yo, we're getting a pump cup right now. And I'm like, yo, dog, it's four in the morning. They're not open. What are you doing? We got to get back inside. We're downtown. No, the problem is you got your dog addicted to whipped cream. Exactly. Your dog's on nitrous. Better than Whippets, right? So you're saying they give you – okay, so a puppuccino is just a cup of whipped cream, and it's cute because the dog gets it all over its face and everyone loves that? You see the vision. That's all it is. Chris, I think you get it. Oh, my God. You get it. Bro, what's up with dog owners, man? What's wrong with you guys, though? Be honest, because I just don't – look, I know you live alone and there's some companionship, but you're like an on-the-record pet guy, and I just don't – I need – do you just love the companionship? Do you love what a pet brings you, or is there more to it? than this. Or do you fight them? You know what? I'm in LA. I'm the Michael Vick of Boston Terriers. I have a vicious ring in Echo Park. I'm just fighting to the death all the time. I go down. If you guys want to come with me next Friday night at like 1, we go down by the airport. You bring some cash. It's pretty fun. Nothing gets too crazy. Nothing gets too crazy. No chicken stuff. No chicken stuff. That's crazy. Yeah, no chicken. Yeah, I draw the line. I draw the line. Listen, having a dog is amazing, but there are limits. I'm not one of those people who brings my dog everywhere, which I did when I first got to L.A. because I thought that was the culture. But then I was reading online, and everyone was like, what the fuck is wrong with everybody? And I realized that because I was in Ralph's. And this guy had this big-ass King Corso. Like, it was so big, no one else could go to the self-checkout because no one wanted to walk past it. And I was like, sir, you got to leave that at home. Like, enough is enough. So I haven't heard of that breed as, like, a big-ass, like, a giant fucking dog, like a horse dog. It looks like a horse. It's, like, easily over 100 pounds. And the other thing is it has, like, beady eyes.

So it's looking at you like, yo, don't touch me. It's one of those dogs that definitely the owner will be like, it doesn't bite, and then it will bite the shit out of you. You'll be like, oh, wow. It's never done that before. Yeah, yeah, no. So it's like the dog version of Deebo from Friday. Exactly. You got tucking your chain when you see it. Do you find, do you find, now do women come up to you and pet the dog? Has this worked out for you in that way where it's attracted to opposite sex? The dog has gotten them, like kind of brought them to the trough? You know what, my dog has like anxiety and does not like being approached by anyone in public. So what usually happens is people are like, oh, that dog is really cute. And when they reach towards him, he growls and I kind of dart at them as if he's going to bite. So people run away. So there are women in my neighborhood when they see if they have a dog and they see me come with my dog, they literally pick up their dog at one pass. And I feel really bad when, you know, listen, he's a New York dog. What do you want? No, no, sure, sure. He was trained on the tough streets, and it's like he's having a tough – he's going to have to acclimate to L.A. the same way you've had to acclimate. No, he's seeing new – like the amount of dogs he sees on a daily basis, like there's times like he just stops and he's like, whoa, look at all these dogs. Also, he saw a horse for the first time, and he usually walks around with this little ball in his mouth, and he just dropped the ball. And I was like, listen, you're an animal, baby. Welcome to L.A., baby. He's like, what the fuck is that? Your dog was like, what the fuck is that thing, bro? What the fuck is that? Dad's smoking weed again, but I swear to God, this is real. I swear to God, this is real. Now, when you, you know, back in the leaner days, when you had, did you have pets and you still were able to kind of scrape together the cash for food and veterinarian care? Yeah. And you were able to sacrifice? Oh, yeah. Way back in, like, in my broker days, I remember there was one time, like,

back in my selling domain names days so that's like you know i've had every job in the world because i'm jamaican but there was one time that was really lean and so the trick i did i took my credit card and i bought like 60 pound bags of cat food and dog food just in case because i was like i'm not worried about i'll be able to find food for myself but just in case i'll be able to just eat animals i don't know about rent and all that stuff So stuff like that, you got to figure out what to do with your pets. But, oh, they've always been taken care of. Like, rest in peace, my last dog, Rocco. He didn't, like, he, you know, he went to the vet and everything. My new dog, the one I have now, like, bro, he's been spoiled since day one. Like, he's been on, like, TV sets. He's always been in the back of Escalade. He's been on planes and shit. So he just, he gets, he uses, I use that, oh, my God, I'm just not so white. He uses that real dog food, the one that comes frozen. It's an actual human food. Bro, no, that was my next question. I'm like, I was going to say, how white are you? Are you cooking food for this dog? Like, how far are we going? And you're going too far, I would say. I've gone too far. I've gone too far. All the allegations of Hollywood Jesus are true. But this food, the thing is, like, all the packages, like, yo, a human can eat this. So, you know, I had to try it. And it's actually just regular. It's just like cabbage. carrots and stuff but you know you feel good about it and when this is the lobby of my building i hold my nose high i'm like oh you guys are feeding your pets perina oh you just hate your animals also someone in la told me i have to sound to my friend more lana than lana She said that you have to feed your pets. You can't give your pets tap water in L.A. You have to feed them bottled water or something like that. Wow. Is that a known thing, Jason? You got to use the Berkey water filter. There you go. Yeah, when you get a Berkey, that's when you've reached peak white. Like, if you get a Berkey and start hiking, I'm worried about you. Then I'm kind of going to call.

I'm going to call the police and have them deport you back to New York. Let me write this down. Let me write down this. This is some good information for you because a lot of people, when you come to L.A. and you've got to get the frozen just for dogs, organic, whatever, grass-fed deer shit, you can go past that and then you can go so full circle that it becomes Jamaican again. I was friends with somebody who was a daughter of a famous actor, and they would feed their dog. frozen turkey necks. Just every day, just pull a turkey neck out of the freezer, throw it in the lawn in the backyard, and the dog just eats it. They're like the raw, real protein, and it's dirt cheap. If we're on a budget... Hit the tricky next, hit the chicken next. If I did that, my dog would put LAPD on me. No, we ain't doing all this, Chief. We ain't doing all this. He said, we ain't in the Bronx no more. You ain't pulling this out. Oh my God, that's so... Jason, I've never heard of... The net game. I think it was Dustin Hoffman's dog. Dustin Hoffman's dog. Wow. I mean, that's reasonable, I think, if you're at that level. I think that's totally fine. I bet the dog learns to love it. Yeah, they don't know. I let my dog chew on a little chicken back all the time. They love it because they want to feel the raw flesh in their teeth. Pause. They got a little wolf in them. Every now and then they want to do their little big wolf stuff. They got a little wolf in them. They got to show out. I know you have famously had a lot of jobs, and I know that is part of your origin story. But you worked at nightclubs for a long time, correct? Yeah, I did. Same. For a long time. What kind of positions were we working at the club? Because Jason is a famous L.A. promoter and DJ. And he's, you know, I feel like you guys have both seen where the bodies are buried in the nightlife world. So were you, did you do several jobs at the club or did you kind of stick to one position? No, several. Like, I did almost every position in the club from like coach check to kind of manager at one point. And then the funniest thing is all these clubs.

I did not fill out any paperwork. They did not have my social street number. I was getting paid in envelopes of cash. The part that's hilarious to me is my name was Jesus when I worked with all these clubs. No one has ever stopped and been like, hey, is that the... guy from the nightclubs like yeah how many desuses do you know there's only one but no worked everything we had security at one point and this was in this is like was this like meatpacking like new york heyday vibe or was it more cutty you know it's more it was new york not heyday vibe but more like kind of like those grind not grimy but those kind of like clubs like when you're just walking down a random west 35th street you're like oh wow i didn't know there was a nightclub here okay The nightclub green room or Club Vapor or Club Secret. Remember when on the west side over 23rd Street? What was it? The Pink Elephant and all that around that time? I know what you mean. It wasn't the hottest spots, but people were still spending money and doing drugs. Right. They were just Bible service. People went there on purpose. They were just clubs that if you had any self-respect, you wouldn't go to. So it was just like, just the worst people in New York, just in there. I remember, like, we had one group of people, and they brought a bottle, and we were like, how much is a bottle? And I was like, $300 plus gratuity. And they were like, $301. Here you go. And I was like, here we go. Here we go. 301. 301. Because we just went to Magic City for Jason's bachelor party. I don't drink, but I ended up spending $1,000 on Casamigos. And I think that those bottles, I think they're only charging $300 for the Casamigos at Magic City, which feels pretty fair in 2023. Yeah, you know what? It's one of those things where you know you're getting ripped off. That's a reasonable ripoff. I'm like, all right. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, I'm not going to be like, I know I can get it for $50 at BevMo. I'm going to don't. But I feel like they could charge $800 for that, and people are still going to pay it, I guess is what I'm trying to say. Right. Even this weekend.

It was my birthday and everyone keeps buying me shots. And apparently the shot, the default shot now is Casamigos. Like no one's like Jamerson or Goldschlager for my old head. But everyone's like, yo. Bro, I guess in my day, the shot, there was like some mixed shots. you know, that would come out like a mixed drink shot. That's too many calories, bro. That's too many calories. It was 2003. I'm not going to have a kamikaze. Kamikaze. That's what I was trying to think of. That's what I was trying to think of. That was a kamikaze shot. We were doing kamikaze shots in MJQ and ATL like it was nothing. But I do think that the shot culture, the Jameson in a beer culture could make a comeback. I think that might, I think that could be next up. Pickleback, the Jameson Pickleback, we're in a probiotic gut health rich community. It's going to come back. It's like, what kind of artisanal pickles are these? You know, I only found out about Pickleback shots maybe like, I want to say like seven years ago. Like I had no idea what it was. And like, it was on some random bar on McDougal Street in New York. And this. white girl and her friend, they did it. And I was like, what was that? And she was like, it's pickle juice. I was like, that's the most disgusting thing I've ever heard. It's just, I don't understand. I don't understand. You try it. And then the other night at like 4,100, like they're giving out free pickleback shots and who's having them? Me. so you know damn he's just at 4100 I love because like I moved to Silver Lake a long time ago you know like my early 20s so all these places that you're going to now that are still open you're kind of like you're reliving my early 20s right now bro right now it's kind of cool to see I'm living the life of a 24 year old who made it who made money off of an NFT and decided to drop out of USC like I'm just running around through the stage right now are you okay I mean I think that, but you are working, right? You've been beasting in the underground. You have some projects in play, I imagine, like everybody else in L.A.? Yeah, absolutely. But then it's also, you know, with the Rider Strike, everything just stopped. So that's why I'm kind of just, like, wilding right now. Like, no, I'm not really out here just drunk every night. But it's just, right now, everything, you literally can't work. And it's like, you kind of don't want to push the limits with, like, emails you send or Zooms you set up. So it's like everyone just kind of, we're just kind of in a holding pattern right now.

So, yeah, I do have projects I'm working on. And, you know, in true L.A. fashion, you can't discuss them because no one talks about any projects until, like, they're signed, sealed, delivered and everything. But definitely working on stuff. Kiss to death. And then, you know, I was really looking forward to the Daily Show hosting opportunity. But that's totally on hold now because of the writer's strike. Oh, that's on hold because of the writer's strike. Because I knew you told me you were doing it. I mean, and you've done that before, right? No, I did Kimmel. I hosted Kimmel. You did Kimmel. Okay, okay, okay. So you're getting into your hosting bag. you this is like do you do you like it is it fun or is it pretty high stress oh no i love it i love it like shout out to the jimmy kimmel staff somebody to ease it nicest people i've ever worked with no it's just amazing once you get into the rhythm and you just learn how to like read the um the prompter and all that stuff and you're able to like incorporate your own jokes and your own slang and stuff it's so much fun because then like and you're good at it like you're reading what they wrote and you're just like it right there before you even say it you can just be like okay i'd say this and as a bronx person i'd say this instead of that or even like the writer's room yeah yeah you know you don't say a joke and i'd be like well i'd say cardi b has a punchline here so you know you're able to take really you know these writers are amazing and then you're able to put your little bronx that song on the jokes you know make it your own And then sometimes you can say unwhite them. And then, you know, sometimes when you're you get to just freestyle, you can just go up there and just go off the top of your dome. And, you know, like I love performing like that. So it's just finding a good balance for that. But no, it's so much fun. And, you know, shout out to everyone at The Daily Show. There's so that show has so many writers because as you see, like it's performance, like you do sketches before and all types of stuff. So, you know, like I know.

I know they had, like, really big plans for other guest hosts. And, you know, like, there were people before me and after me. And so, you know, it's, like, a real shame. A lot of hard work had already gone into the hosting thing. And I just had to stop because of the writer's stuff. But hopefully, you know, maybe it's still beyond after the writer's fight. But, you know, we'll see what happens. So what's the – I guess when you're saying put your own spin on it, that happens – do you do that on the fly or you do it before or you do a little bit of both? Well, the Kimmel thing is a little bit of both. Like, sometimes it's just, like, when you're in the writer's room, you know like they'll do a joke and you'll be like well I would say it like this or I'd add this or like that or sometimes you can just do it on the fly but most times with like in a little bit of time I spend with the writers they it's like I'm not one of the people who just come in their code like usually you like you're texting the writers beforehand your email you get to know them so they get to know you and your vibe you know like they and if you're working with people you know and they know you in and out they know your jokes they know how to incorporate all your humor, and they know not to say the N-word. So it all works out. Sure, sure. So it's perfect. What if we try this? I can't imagine what that must feel like to have a team of five writers who know your style of talking and what you like and what you don't like, and they just write jokes for you that automatically are like, oh, that's a joke that I like and that I would say publicly. It seems almost like magic or something. You know what? That was one thing that I really didn't... It is. Being out in L.A., you realize there's a lot of magic in making television and just the production and just, like, on the back end of TV. And just even that, you know, it's like sometimes people make jokes and, like, I'll change the joke they wrote and I'll do a funnier version and, like, the writer would be like, you know, that was my funny joke, but, you know, I can't keep up with you. Like, little compliments like that, but sometimes there's some jokes and I'll be like, holy shit, you nailed this one. So it does feel like magic, especially when you guys are, when we're all in tune.

and the slack is popping, you can't miss. I remember sometimes in the writer's room, the meetings would run long just because you're cracking up at jokes. You can't even get stuff written down because one joke at the beginning of the writer's room just has everyone still laughing. And then you're just like, all right, this is the joke for the show. Worst ways to make a living, huh? Absolutely. And as someone who's had every job in the world, trust me on that. At one point, I was collecting dead rats in an auto body shop. I ain't ever going back to that. Bro, I didn't know it was that bad. What makes that even worse, I was 14. So I'm working illegally at a place my father's friend owned. But he was like, you're not going to spend the summer not working. Because, you know, at age 13, you better get a job. So basically, the week before I came there. Rat time, baby. Rat time. The exterminator comes. He puts poison all over the body shop. And so when I get there, they give me a bucket and a shovel. And I have to use my nose to find the dead rats and put them in a compound bucket. No, dude, no. And because it's summertime, I go get Vicks Vapor Rub and put it underneath the bottom of my nose to block out the smell. And how many, you know, the auto body shop is almost the size of a whole block in the Bronx. So I'm like, how many buckets could it possibly be? So it was like five buckets a day. I was finding rats for like... What? What? I was like, what? I'd come home so exhausted, and I only lasted four days. But my father was like, see, it built character. I was like, no, it built resentment, and I have to go to therapy now. But thank you. This is going to cost me money in the long run. Because my summer job was being a bodega cat. I guess this is the horse's way, right? I still, if I see a rat on the street, still, I jump. Like, I cannot get, I... I've lived here for 15 years, and I cannot get past it. I want to, but I just cannot deal with it. I don't know. I think I need that job to get over it. That's the only way. And you call me bitch, man. This weekend, I'm smoking it for the midnights in Brooklyn, and a rat runs past me. And I swear to God, I heard Empire State of Mind faintly play as a tear came down my eye. I'm home, baby.

my guys came to say hey respects this is beautiful i was like they're checking in what uh so what are your what does your dad think now does he think this is like all fake and that you're like have to get a real job or is he like get it and is super supportive he's super he super gets it super supportive um he like it's like i guess he has like i know it's not google or something i guess he searches my name so he actually was like one of the first people to know about the daily show thing and he called me and he was like so proud of you congratulations because i remember like we were having a conversation and i was just like you know like why did you and mom come to america from jamaica and then like you know very solemnly he was like you know i wanted to make sure my children have a better life and you know you guys are doing well but goddamn a late night show wow and i was like thank you dad no that's that's great i love that because i think that sometimes with jobs like this like I mean, obviously when it's TV, I think parents start to understand because TV is pretty easy to compute. Right. But I still think any job that is not like a quote-unquote regular job is hard for parents to understand. Absolutely. In some way. So it's nice to know. Anything with art like that, especially if you have immigrant parents that are super nervous because they want you to have a good job with benefits. So they want you to either be a firefighter, a toll booth collector, or a speech officer. I was like, you see these good ass eyebrows? I can't be doing that. I love I love the idea of you being a toll booth operator as like a you know what? I did the right thing. I kind of just went something solid and safe. I got my pension coming up. Listen, if this if this writer's strike keeps stretching out, you might see one of them coming back to the tunnel. Actually, I wanted to talk about the writer's strike. Are you allowed to podcast if you don't talk about writing stuff? Or is even that a little tricky? I think if it's a scripted podcast or something like that. I know this right here is unscripted, so it's fine. But I guess those deep dive serial podcasts or anything. But again, I'm not a lawyer, so I don't know. But it's a lot of situations where you definitely have to contact either the guild or your lawyers and be like, hey.

Is this cool? Is this cool? And they get back to you. So it's just like, you know, just making sure you don't step on their toes. You got to tap in with the feds to record a podcast about fucking damn. I mean, that does make sense, though. I guess scripted is scripted. It's written. Well, I'm asking that because now that you have your gallivanting time on your hands and you're writing your prose and poetry and things like that, do you ever feel like, damn, I should just pick up the mic and give the people what they want? You know what? make a little little scratch in the meantime you know i've thought about it but it's just kind of just like figuring things out right now just figuring out life in l.a and wait is this the description of your podcast just a guy trying to figure out life in l.a well anyway come with me every friday actually 10 a.m new episode i'm gonna do a podcast where it's gonna be a food related podcast so i go to restaurants that you guys previously shitted on so the first episode we're gonna go to is done before i got a new i got an idea that's a good companion podcast for how long i'm sure we could get you some advertising runoff for that that shouldn't be difficult on the business end that's a great that's a great idea i haven't been to dance more yet that was only chris for the record i just walked in there like oh it's the guy from the podcast that shit it on us last week i was like okay please don't spit him up please don't please don't that's a good that's a good idea but i understand i mean i think that like i guess because you podcasted for so long but it's like i think everybody thinks it's like so easy to do you know and you know that it's not so it's like i think that's also part of it is that you know that like if you got back into that it'd be like it's a whole thing to do it well yeah um whereas i think a lot of people that are coming at it from the Hollywood side are like, this shit, what are you talking about? This is not making a movie or a TV show. This is free money. Yeah. It's, it's so much easier and it is easier, but it's still, it's still a whole thing to do. It's a whole thing. And you know, just coming up like you guys, shout out to the energy. You guys, you guys have experiences. So you have fresh content to make new episodes all the time. A lot of people, they don't realize like you have to live life and experience stuff in order to have like a good podcast.

That's a whole other side that, like, if you're traveling, like, even this, shout out to you guys, gifting the recording time to, you know, accommodate my schedule. Little things like that, or, like, the last episode where Shorty didn't have the good Wi-Fi. You have all these, like, roadblocks that happen. And it can be very stressful. And, you know, like, sometimes you're just tired. Sometimes I'm like, yeah, I do not want to do this. There's also that. Sometimes I just don't want to do this shit is part of life that we kind of overlook, I think. It's fun also to make a great podcast and just give the fans what they want. Definitely testing the environment, taking the temperature of what people want, and then figuring out what's next on that. I can't do a podcast about Vanderpump Rules because I have no idea what the fuck is going on. Sure, sure. I could see you doing a Bill Burr-style solo podcast, you know, 30 minutes a week of you just giving it to him. That's the real way to do it. He figured it out, and it's just very, very hard to be good. Yeah, Bill Burr would be making money, bro. Well, I was only bringing that up because there are so few people out there who have podcasts who are actually good at doing it. good at talking and know like the art to it and the timing and you know the yes ands and the no ands and everything and and you happen to be really good at it and it's an honor to have you on the pod so thank you but you know i just want to make sure that you're always talking and conversating because you're you're one of the greats thank you man i appreciate that yeah agreed yeah talk about giving people what they want but i mean i i think it's also like once there's there's a lot going on and a podcast takes a back seat you know when you got all this other shit going on so it makes sense yeah don't forget the roots though Don't forget the struggle. Don't forget the streets. Don't forget the streets. You know, 10 shows down. I'm going to be excellent. But at the same time, I have to find a new canyon other than Runyon to go to. So, you know, these deliver. Bro, I got you. Do you need hiking spots? Yeah, bro. Send them over. All right. All right. I got you. You need hiking spots. You send them over and I'll send over. You send over those and I'll send over chopped cheese spots in Bronx. Jason, I don't think Jason.

Have you ever been to the Bronx, Jason? I don't think I have, to be honest. I've been to the Bronx. I can't remember where, why, when, or how. Have you been to the Bronx or have you been to Riverdale? Great question. He's been to Riverdale in a cab on the way to somewhere. If I was in the Bronx, it was most likely for food, eating, and not just to walk around and take photos from my IG. Well, actually, speaking of Chop Cheats, have you been to Bodega Park in Silver Lake? Is that the new... No, I haven't been to Bodega... Wait. I haven't been to Bodega Park. I went to that new... chop cheese new york chop cheese that just opened uh oh yeah it's it was incredible really it's the same people they have one here in new york but the other thing is you know i don't want to i don't want to break everyone's heart i don't eat chop cheeses like that they're really bad for you like my little kids eat them in the blocks because they're poor and that's all we can afford but like listen they are heavy And you feel some heartburn late at night after you eat one of those? I mean, yeah, it's basically just a long Big Mac every night. It's going to do a number on you. Exactly. But I was saying that place, Bodega Park. That's on my list of places to check out. Artisanal. I need to check that place out. But, you know, I have to watch what I eat because I'm trying to get like you guys and get the Barry's body. Are you going to a gym in L.A.? Are you just hiking? I go to a gym. It was like a boot camp. boxing boot camp fitness ones but then they weirdly were just like taking instagram videos of like the workout classes what the hell is this yeah yeah that's the problem that's that's a big problem in the fitness industry and that's that's what you can tell That's how you differentiate a good trainer from a bad trainer. My trainer, Hunter, who's a character on this. Yeah, a trainer that's all in the video. Exactly. He doesn't pull his phone out. He times me maybe with his phone, but the phone's in his pocket the whole session. Right. If the guy's got the phone out, especially if you're a dude, you're not even a hot chick, you got a problem. This place is fitting the need for now because you have to wear a heart rate monitor.

And when I first started, like the heart rate wanted, it wasn't working. But then like the second day it was on and I realized you're competing against everyone else in the class. Yeah. So I'm like, I'm like, yo, I got to win. So I'm making sure I'm like knocking it out, like getting higher numbers than everyone else. Then one day I go in there and this guy's like laughing like a hundred, like the digits is crazy. I'm trying to keep up with him. I work out and I feel sick. And like during the 30 second interval. I run to the bathroom and I just throw up. That's a good one. That's good. That means you're doing it right. Yeah. And then, like, I hear the class start again. I just wipe my face and I get back in that bitch. I did not win. And at the end, I was just lying on the floor. But then, like, I walk out 20 minutes later and the teacher was like, are you all right? I was like, I threw up. I'll see you tomorrow. so that's how you gotta be that's how you gotta be but no this is this is good because i think that that sounds like creed 3 yeah yes he's auditioning right now he's auditioning right now they got an open spot i'm coming for michael b jordan's title they get an open spot You did good today, kid. I'll see you tomorrow. Yeah, we'll set you up with some keto-friendly, high-protein, low-carb dining destinations here in L.A. We got you, bro. Nice. I appreciate it. It's our pleasure. But, yeah, look, Desus, thank you so much for joining us. And we're all back in L.A. Let's get together and hang. Absolutely, guys. Good luck with everything. We can't wait to see what's coming up. We'll stay tuned. Love you guys. Thank you, man. God bless. Thank you. All right, bro. We'll talk to you soon. Later. And a mission to love. And resentment rides high.

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