270. - Jeff Wright

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts. or watch on YouTube. I guess, Jason, I hate to admit this coming from, because it's a very red Taylor's version kind of day in New York today. The leaves are changing. The ground was a little... I'm so happy I don't know what that means. The ground... Well, you know what I mean. It's like a nice, cozy fall day. Pumpkin spice latte. Got the Uggs on. Maybe you have your Hermes cashmere blanket over your thighs as you watch. selling sunset. You know how to paint a pig. Maybe the fire is going. I don't know if you can afford that. But I've never been more desperate to leave New York in my entire life. When I get to LA tomorrow, I might kiss the dirty, smog-soaked ground at the cursed LAX kiss-and-ride lot. When our driver, Vic, pulls up in the late model Suburban blasting CNC Music Factory smelling like Marlboro Lights, I might give that Armenian motherfucker a hug. I might give him a hug. So you going on a pleasure trip to London and then an autumn-soaked... NYC, arguably the best time of the year to be in New York City. You would agree with that, right? I would say a little earlier than this, but sure. Yeah, it's in the range. Yeah, the temperatures are dipping. You said it's our song. It's in the range. But I'm getting the energy from you that you have just been...

kind of airlifted out of Fallujah by the skin of your teeth type of operation to get this man home from a vacation to London and New York. If Blade wants to sponsor my trip home and it's any faster, that's fine. I could leave tonight, honestly. After Bryn and I go to the parade Soho store opening party, I could just go straight to the airport. You know what I mean? Is that tonight? That's tonight. Yeah, that's tonight. Damn, I'm getting flashbacks of when I would have to DJ in New York and be like, hmm, guess I'm going, you know, I guess I'm just doing an all-nighter. DJing until 4 a.m., flights at 9, get a little bodega sandwich, choppy cheesy. I believe the after party for the parade store opening is at Paul's. So I, you know, part of me would... Paul's BG? Yeah. Pardon me with Paul's BG. No one has ever said that in the history of that club. So I'm excited to go. I'm excited to see friend of the show, Bryn Trill. But I don't know, man. I need the sunshine. I need some TJ IRL. I need a home-cooked. Honestly, I need a home-cooked meal from TJ is what I need. When man is down bad and going through it. I mean, bro, I waterboarded myself in London by eating a Dover Soul. And so I do feel. like i've been in fallujah when you think thoughts and prayers beloved thoughts and prayers uh it sounds like you fucked up because this time of year you could have been doing sun-soaked activities you could have been dining at mandolin with friend of the show ben edgar you could have been uh giving your condolences to the ablo family in miami uh but but you decided to go to kind of a miserable snowy situation to puke your brains out in uh what's that the langham langham langan no because i have to well london was for fun but but i'm in new york now because i have to earn a living and tap in with the culture as they say what do you know what do you do chris i tap in with the culture and then and then i just a zell just shows up yeah that's how it works honestly yeah that is kind of how it works but no i i am no no you you had to come in you had to make your rounds we got it we got it yeah i mean yeah

I had to spend $150 at a magazine store within 24 hours of touching down. Well, since you shape culture, that's a write-off. So it's all G, bro. It's all G. You're right. My dad, who's unfortunately not a crooked enough accountant, he will. Your dad is way too pussy to write that off, isn't he? He did allow me to write a $50 issue of Arena Own Plus with Hugh Grant on the cover. That's research. Oh, I don't know about this one, Christopher. If you want to do it, if you want to get your own new accountant, we can do that. But Miami, Jason. So, yeah, Art Basel is going on, and a lot of our friends and cohorts are down there. Diz is making all his money for the year. He's making his yearly nut. DJing 11 parties at Soho House. A lot of people are down there partying. Three to four of my ex-girlfriends are there taking bikini pics. Every one of your ex-girlfriends is there taking bikini pics. Are you fucking kidding? We didn't talk about this on the show, but the Virgil stuff is truly sad. I think the send-off that Louis Vuitton gave him honestly looked pretty incredible. The whole thing seemed really well executed. Shout out to the... the family over at PlayLab for making that happen. But it just looked, it looked really incredible and actually special. That being said, everything else at Art Basel looks like, you know, a crypto party filled. The fact that Art Basel has moved from, you know, Picasso to crypto. That's the fucking, that's the Wall Street Journal headline. You listening? But it's just so, it's, I mean, not that it's like. I don't know. It's just all so depressing to me. It's just all so depressing to me that I'm seeing a headline about a Banksy selling for $4 million in 2021, and the rest of it is about crypto. I'm just like, what about art, guys? Isn't that what this is all about? And I'm sure, don't get me wrong. Art Basel has never been about art. No, but it actually is. The problem is people we know aren't going there for that purpose, so we're not hearing about it firsthand. But art is being sold in volume. Yeah, yeah.

Complex Con clothes are being sold, but you're going there for a duh culture. You're going there to walk around, look at other people who are in your stratosphere, and then try to dress better, party better, look hotter, do more coke than those other people, and then you go back to your apartment in New York. Are you feeling any FOMO about not being at Basel? Because I famously went eight years in a row. I always feel a little FOMO. I was talking about this with... with carolyn just yesterday and i was like you know all of our friends not all of our friends but a lot of our friends you know a lot of my friends are there dj bros you know it's a big dj bro miami legends cubano people yeah it's a big dj day it's like there's so many parties and they all need djs and there's like three of them that actually do they have all these parties and they need djs it's crazy this supply chain issue is even uh even over even over at scam artists oh shit well like my girlfriend she's a my girlfriend's a stylist all of her gays are there so I'm like are you jealous that you're not there and she's like you know because we went last year me her and Ober I forgot you guys are late I went I haven't gone I went eight years in a row but it's been three or four years since I've been thank god I mean I've been You know, I've been to Miami for Basel and Winter Music Conference. Oh, how can I forget WMC when TJ... Dozens of times. Dozens of times. I love Miami. Fishing out, you know, on the ones and twos at 3.30 and Diplo's ducking down behind the booth to do a bump. Yeah, that was back before your little CDJ 2000s. I was on the CDJ 200s, you know what I'm saying? It was early days. You had to have two laptops, one for Serato, one for graphic design. It was different. Shit, how did you know? And you can tell the difference because one of them has a bunch of really bad stickers on it, and then the other one doesn't. Yeah, the Dim Mac. By the way, happy belated birthday to Steve Aoki, Jason's old boss. How do you know that it's his birthday? I don't know that. You fucking loser. Because I saw an amazing Cobra Snake tribute. Oh, shit. Okay. Where it's just pictures of them looking like shit. It's pictures of them looking like shit for like ten years. It's amazing. Ten years of having gray skin from cocaine. Having a gray face.

I was asking her, are you experiencing FOMO for Arpaus? And she's like, fuck no, fuck no. Because that was the only time she's ever been to Arpaus. I'm like, let's just go. And Oberg said she wanted to go. I got an Airbnb and some high-rise apartment thingy. We went to all the restaurants and tapped in with Dizza. That part was cool. Going to Versailles and going to all the old spots. There's always cool shit to do in Miami. Go to the beach, swim around, that's fun too. Soho House in the daytime is cool, but when it's Art Basel time and it's like, all right, well, Basel time is here, I'm going to put on my slutty bodycon dress, I'm going to do cocaine, and I'm going to see what is really good in the world of... What is really good out here, dog. See what is really good with all these fucking gays in Miami. Let's see how lit they are. And you go to every single party. It's the coolest party. Whatever it's for, it doesn't matter. It's just, like, 500 people in line, and they're all, like, 49-year-old Miami guys who have, like, leathery girlfriends, and they're wearing John Varvatos scarves on the beach. You have to break through 500 of them, like an offensive line, just to get to the one cool door guy who will let you in. And you're, like, you just throw your hands up and say it's just... whatever's going on in there it's not worth it and then you get inside the party and it's like oh dj jazzy jeff is doing a throwback set for the next three hours i'm like what the fuck dude i want to hear some like that is my i need like fk twigs on arca's shoulders like playing like some fucking gnarly shit i want to see people dead on the floor fire freak i mean like let's do this jason stidge them jeans says what makes a good party Dead bodies, baby. I want to step over a dead body to get to the dance floor if this is a real Miami party. No, I agree with you. I mean, I want to see some shit. It's sort of like NBA All-Star Weekend for turnt up drug addict art people. It's like this is where you show out. Now it is not where you show out. Now it's just like I guess we're going to lay around at our hotel and then there's like a party that this crypto thing is doing this and they've got someone to DJ.

It's going to be just like where you are in L.A. or New York, where you stand around and go, man, it's crazy how this is this. No, of course. I mean, that's what everything is now because, you know, the earth is flat and culture is flat thanks to the World Wide Web. You can see the same bad DJ in LA, Miami, or New York any day of the week. Shout out to scam artists. As long as you remember that we're already here living in hell. Yeah. You don't need to travel. You don't need to travel to Bootsy Bellows. You're good. You know what I mean? Bootsy Bellows, Papa. God damn it. It's 2021 for Christ's sake. Let's push this. Mike Skinner voice. Let's push things forward for fucking crying out loud. I'm pissed. I'm pissed. We do have a guest today who's actually, he's from Orlando. Maybe he can shed some money. Orlando? That's right. Yeah. Wright is a comedian who is working at the Late Night with Seth Meyers television program. He's got a very popping TikTok. He has a beautiful set of teeth, too. I was looking at this guy. It's rare that comedians are good-looking. In fact, usually they're ugly, and that's what makes them funny. We're about to talk to a good man right now. I think Jeff Wright. I don't like to give this label away before I meet and discuss it with someone, but I'm 99% sure Jeff Wright's a stick man. I don't know, man. I don't know. You never know with these TikTokers. Do you think we can ask an adult TikToker if he's a stick man, or do you think that'll be a little over the line? What guests have we not asked if they're a stick man? Luckily, we even ask our female guests and our non-binary because we're an equal opportunity podcast. Anybody can be a stick man. It's just a figure of speech. Stick them. Follow-up question. How sexually promiscuous are you? Just one thing before we go. Yeah, we know and follow you on Instagram. But how many bodies you got exactly? The body, that's just one part of being a stickman. We'll get into that with our guest, Jeff Wright. Not to be confused with Jeffrey Wright, who dies in the most recent James Bond movie. No, no, no. This is a young, strapping Jeff Wright. And hopefully, maybe Seth Meyers will walk by the Zoom. Who knows? He might be at work. Damn, could you imagine? No, no. They're all working remote, aren't they? No, actually, they're not. It's not like Trevor Noah's dumbass. They bike. They're actually in studio.

Not like Trevor. Oh, worst. Worst. Let's see if we can get Jeff Wright to admit that Trevor Noah is bad. And then so many more questions. So let's get it popping. We'll be right back after this word from our sponsors. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, sort of our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world, writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly. A website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could, you know. have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools so those future graduates can find me. And, you know, I'm able to accept, quote, unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early, and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned.

They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? You know, especially when it's not, you know, from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and they're just easy but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. Damn, bro. What the fuck is that? Motherfucking mailman at the door. Oh, that's you, Jason? I thought Jeff had two. No, that wasn't me. That wasn't me.

Jeff's like, my dogs are barking, but that's just from Equinox. All right. I'm recording. Jeff's got his AirPods in. Jason's here. The dog bit his foot. All right. All right. All right, we're good. Jeff, how are you, bro? I am good. I'm good as y'all are good. How are y'all? We're great, man. Where are you coming to us live from? Where are you? We are in the grimy, gritty New York right now. Yeah, me and you both. The slums of Shaolin. I was telling Jason that today's weather in New York is real Taylor Swift hours. You know what I mean? It's like... Jeff, what's your favorite Taylor Swift record off top? the high school boyfriend when she's like a cheerleader when she's not a cheerleader she's on the sideline that one that one that's my favorite one you're the cheerleader captain I'm on the goddamn bleachers that's what yeah yeah that one he wears t-shirts I wear sneakers that one yeah that's that's the good one I mean, it is a classic. But yeah, today I was saying it's very cuddly out. It's not too cold, but it's just chilly enough. You know what I mean? Man, it looks like a Twilight movie out here. It is. This is that special time of year where it's a little bit more of a nip in the air. We move from pumpkin spice to peppermint in the latte, right? Facts. Peppermint rising. Jeff's only letting himself have one peppermint latte a day. He doesn't want to get two. He doesn't want to put on that. almond milk weight they sneak the calories in the peppermint honestly i would never learn that one the hard way i don't even drink coffee i was like let me check out this conversation what is it just pre-workout what is it honestly if i told y'all what i ate and drank i'd be like this guy right here i drink water no no please you don't drink oh so you're one of those guys who eats like a teenager but it doesn't affect your body not at all well i mean i can eat what i want but i don't i i don't have like my taste buds be bored they'd be like i mean We don't need it. We don't need it. So walk me through a day in the life of what you're really grinding on. First of all, I live like Dwayne The Rock Johnson, just without the money and the status. But I eat oatmeal in the morning. I drink water all day. That's it. I don't drink anything else but water. Oatmeal in the morning. Okay. And then in the afternoon, I have like...

Chicken nuggets. 72 eggs. Chicken nuggets. Chicken nuggets. That's where I do that. I love chicken nuggets. That's my shit. Where are you getting your nugs from? Tyson. The good people at Tyson. So you're eating this. You're eating nuggets at the crib? Yes. Nuggets at the crib. You're putting them in the fry daddy or are we going in the oven? Air fry the Tyson nuggets. Get all those hormones. All that. All that shit up in there. All that. All that. I welcome it all. I made it this far with all of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. You're making chicken nuggets for yourself in the afternoon, and then are you going out for dinner, or are you preparing another delicacy at home? The last meal. I'm like a basic meal cooker. I make three basic meals, white rice, chicken. Or pasta with ground beef. That's it. It's like an everyday thing, though. Like, I can eat chicken and rice all day, every day, and never have a problem. Yeah, he's on his little bodybuilder shit. I see what you're doing. You need some broccoli in there. You know what I mean? Yeah, have you ever checked out vegetables, fam? I don't know what that is. We don't know her. Okay, so vegetables, that's how. We don't know her. I know guys like you, and I know that you're pretty young, and I'm here to tell you. as a person who's older than you this is going to catch up with your ass and you need to start you need to start changing now before it's too late what do i need to eat what do i need to be eating what do you guys eat i eat i mean jason is actually an incredible cook and like serious serious so he eats very extreme i would say um i eat a very healthy clean diet A little bit of fish, mostly vegetarian, lots of smoothies. I, like you, Jeff, enjoy water. I drink a gallon a day minimum. I have the gallon bodybuilder style minimum. Unfortunately, my shoulders still don't look as good as yours, so maybe I'm drinking the wrong kind of water. I don't know if you have a brand. You ain't getting enough Tyson in your diet, Chris. That's why. I got an AquaTrue filter in here. I didn't know it cost $400 when I bought it, but I bought it. AquaTrue?

What is that? Is that something Puff Daddy invested in? This sounds like a scam. Hold on. Hold on. Because we got water filters here in L.A. There's one. It's called a Berkey filter. But I think you got the hood Berkey is what it's about to be. Hell no. This is a legit joint right here. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Okay, yeah, that is a legit joint. Come on, man. Dude, this thing. This thing is huge, bro. It better be huge. Bro, you have a damn aquarium. That's not a water filter. You got a little three-foot shark swimming around. You're lucky you don't cook because you don't have any counter space next to that water filter, so you're good money. I'm not going to lie. That thing takes up a lot of space, and it makes a lot of noise sometimes when it's filtering, but it gets the job done. You're saying you just got a job like six months ago, and you spent $400 on a water filter? Absolutely. I like where your priorities are at, Jeff. New money swag. The funniest part about that whole thing is I showed y'all my whole apartment with that one wall. That's the kitchen, the bedroom, the living room. That was all of it. That's all of it. I sleep in the water filtration center. Kind of does. I think it's good for my oxygenation of my blood. One follow-up question, and then we'll move on to maybe some real things. What are we dipping the nuggets into? Oh, I'm not a sauce guy that much. Barbecue sauce? Maybe. You hit raw? I hit raw. I hit raw. That's why you use the air fryer because your skin is crispy. You don't need sauce if your skin is right. Nature's sauce all up in it. Okay, I get it. You're a certified freak. Okay, what happens when you go on a date? You take somebody out on a date and you got to go to a real restaurant. Are you cooking at the crib? Are we getting like a more? fancier nugget are we going out to a restaurant what's up yeah no that's that's when that's when the chicken tenders come about to get three inches of tender like i i don't spend any money on food really so like going out to eat is not a problem at all like that's what like i feel like there's never been a point where i went out to eat

It's never been less than $60 minimum. Okay. That's like, that doesn't hurt the pockets no more when you're eating chicken tenders every day, chicken nuggets every day. I see what you're doing. Because, you know, they say that when you live in New York, and I can attest to this as a longtime resident, I mean, I'm spending $100 a day just to live. you know, just to be outside, you know, I got whatever it may be, it's going to cost me a cool hundred. So I think that there, you have to adjust for that when you relocate to New York. Cause that is not, there's nowhere else in the world. I feel like where that's like the necessity, like nobody, nobody accounts for that these days. You spend a hundred every day. So if you, if you eat the chicken nuggets, that was $20 that lasts you a whole week. Come on, everybody watching out here. I took care of lunch. Don't worry about lunch. Tyson. Don't worry about lunch. Lunch on meat. No one was worried. No one was worried. Thank you. No one was worried. And when you, Chris, when you mention, like, I don't care what you're doing, like, just, like, having a day in New York, you're going to drop a bill. That sounds crazy to some people, but, like, I know people who have lived in New York who are, like, broke motherfuckers, like, bartenders, like, just scraping by, and they're like, yeah, like. 100 bucks a day like you you're you're doing this you're doing your laundry you're hitting the subway you gotta get a cab over here yeah pick up the dry cleaning whatever it is a couple drinks at the bar it's 100 bucks every day and that's like that's like more money than many people in the rest of the world make all year it's no just on their walking around money no problem that's why i carry cash jeff you carry cash absolutely not old millennial ass i had a feeling just like you can you can hit me you can hit me on venmo Apple Pay? No, I'm a big – I'm a known proponent of a cash lifestyle. Chris is Mr. Peel Out. He's liable to peel out some 20s on you. I will peel out in the orange Hellcat and my wallet. It is nothing for me. No, but I recently – I just went to London. I get to the airport. I hit the ATM. I take out 500 quid. I'm like, yeah, I got the queen in my pocket. I'm good to go.

And everywhere I go, it's like we don't accept cash. I literally went to the bank yesterday and turned the cash back in, and it hurt my – Really? Yeah, bro. I was able to spend 100 pounds, and it was like hard to spend 100 pounds in cash. It's crazy. It's crazy. Bullocks. The homeless people wouldn't even take it. Whoa, is that cash? I'm sorry. There's going to be a Larry David episode where somebody hands him a dollar, and he's like, what am I going to do with this? What am I going to do with this dollar bill? Funny you say that because the busking culture in London is very popular. You go in the tube, there's some pasty Ed Sheeran-looking motherfucker playing an Emmy Winehouse cover. These guys have these little card readers set up on like a mic stand now. Dead ass. So you can just swipe your Mongo bank card and keep rocking. It's crazy. Oh, they got the little square point? Wow. I thought you meant like they had the QR code. That's crazy. They got the full on, you can swipe it. No, you can swipe it. Okay. Well then the real, so that means the only place where cash is still King is magic city. Yeah. That's true. How long, what is going to happen? Is this just going to be a little QR code on the titties? And then you, we just got to. How does this work? Because at a certain point when cash is removed, strip clubs are going to be kind of fucked up. We're going to the metaverse anyway. So strip is going to be virtual. You're going to put a goggle on and throw virtual money now. Yeah, that's true. First of all, I don't like strip clubs. They make me uncomfortable. But the metaverse makes me more uncomfortable, I think. So I don't know what that is. Chris, in the metaverse, you could touch. You know what I'm saying? Regular strip club, you can't touch. There we go. There's one of the big setbacks. I finally found one single positive to the metaverse. I guess that's it so far. You can cut. Yeah, there's one thing going there. Thanks, Jason, for putting me on to that. I wish you would kick me out of this metaverse group club for slapping this virtual ass. I wish you would. Yeah, yeah. Your gloves are outdated. You can't use them, so you can't even touch them.

How long ago did you move to New York, Jeff? Probably a year and three months now. Where were you coming from? Florida, Orlando, Florida. The land of the crazy. I was out there. Are you from Florida? Born in Jersey, raised in Florida, yeah. Oof. I don't know. You ain't got to oof it. It's not that bad. Well, it's not great. I mean, it's not. No, I think that's Florida's state motto. Orlando, Florida. You ain't got to oof it. You ain't got to oof it. It's like you hear tales about it, but it's not that bad. It's pretty nice. I've been to Orlando. I've touched down. It's not that bad. I had a good time. Look, Jeff, I'm from Atlanta. I've been to every nook and cranny of Florida. You've seen it. I've seen it all. I love Florida. I'm just kidding. You know, when I was a kid and I would go to the beach, I would always think about, like, it's so weird that there are people that live here year-round. You know what I mean? There's people, there's kids that grow up at the beach. To live in a town that is so based on one thing and the tourism part of that is pretty surreal, I would imagine. Yeah. Or is that not something you actually encounter every day if you plan it right? Honestly, we low-key don't think about the fact that everyone in here is a passerby. They're not of Orlando. We don't really think about it that much because it's really suburbs and then you go downtown or you go into a pocket, but it's really suburbs. You're just within your community the whole time. I didn't know if you were going to pick up chicks at Disney World. That seems like a pretty, you know what I mean? You get a season pass. That's an expensive way to pick up girls. You could have went to school. You could have just went to the school club or something. Sorry, Jeff. Some of us don't have teeth like that. I don't have any diamond studs. No one wants to talk to me. It's different. So do you distract them from Mickey Mouse? You're playing harder now. I am Mickey Mouse. That's 3D shit. When you're at Disneyland, you have a lot of opportunities. Like, hey, do you want to go on this ride?

And then whichever ride it is, it lets you know how much you're trying to get some head. So, like, the crazy, scary rides that are all fast, that's, like, that's first base. Nobody's going to be getting some head on some upside down. Wow, that's right. When you go on the slow, dark ride, you go on the haunted mansion, it's time to break off some head. It's a small world after all. Yeah, it's a small world after all. We suck it on some titties. Hey, Goofy. Hey, Goofy. Run me my head. The science behind me is like, how did you get to this? Listen up, young blood. I wrote the book on this. This is years of experience. I'm not new to this. I'm true to this. I've been getting a little touch over in Anaheim, parts of Fullerton, all this stuff for years. Yeah, Jeff, if you're going home for the holidays, I'm saying you can use some of Jason's. Sometimes you got to know when not to take advice. And I think this is one of those times. That's a good point. Okay. All right. That's fair. Well, you know, now that we've glowed up, we don't really have to trick women into hanging out with us. I don't think there was ever a time where you should have been. You are correct about that, Jeff, right? You are correct about that. Digging a hole and making it deeper. Like, stop! Jeff, it takes a big man to admit that, and I applaud your actions. The thing about all this, Jeff, is that Jason is the one who edits this podcast, so he tends to save himself and maybe sacrifice his co-host more often than not. It'd be a shame if some of this ended up on the bottom of the cutting room floor, but we'll see what happens. It's anyone's guess. How are you taking to, like, did you always want to live in New York? Or are you like, damn, I guess I got to do this for my career. Let me see what I think. I didn't, like, everyone was like, this is the greatest city in the world. And I was like, it's not. And, like, everyone was like, you're going to love it here. And I don't. But I think it's, like, the pros of New York, you can't beat them. Like, the fact that nothing closes, like, oh, minus COVID. But everything stays open for the most part. You can get to anywhere.

at any time unless you're like in traffic but you can get the subway works it how like can you tolerate crazy and that's That's all you need. Can you tolerate? Oh, I saw this morning I was going to hot yoga at 6 a.m. I saw a guy shooting up on the street and it warmed my heart. It like warmed. I'm like, that is the New York that I want to live in. Chris, is shooting up a yoga move or is that something different? No, no, that's that's I'm sorry. That's drugs. That's heroin. OK, OK, OK. That's drugs. But no, I mean, I understand what you're saying, because when I came, I moved here when I was probably like 24. I was from Atlanta. Like I had never lived anywhere else. The first six months to a year, it. It really does kind of knock you on your ass. I've been visiting a lot, and I thought I was ready for it, and I wasn't necessarily as ready as I thought. It takes a lot of time to get acclimated to the pace. And also, yeah, it's just wild, man. It's just fucking wild. I'm not going to lie, though. Moving here with money is different. That is different. Yeah, that's right. I circumvented a lot of that bullshit. I said. I'm not riding the subway until I... Did you bring the car here or did you... You left the car in Orlando. Dumping money on Lyft and Uber. I said, y'all can have it. Y'all can have all of it. I'm telling you, I used to be like you too. And now I basically only go places I can walk to. That's why I live downtown. Because I would rather pay more rent and be able to walk everywhere. How do you sleep, Chris? How do you sleep with the noise there? That's my part. He's zanned out. No, no. Thanks to Spotify, they provide a white noise, you know, a 12-hour white noise loop. There we go. Sometimes on the weekend, though, it does get fucking loud and it's annoying, but you just get, I mean... It's shitty to say, but you just get used to it. It's just like, yeah, this is what it is. That's the part of New York I would never accept. You just get used to it. I'm like, no, or, or. Where do you want to live, big dog, LA? Well, he was probably like, yo, I got a job on TV. We going to Cali, baby. Let's go. And they're like, no, you're going to go live in a 300 square foot water filtration unit. It's going to be cold as fuck.

You're going to have to walk everywhere, step on some rats, human shit on the Timbs. It's going to be great. I thought Seth was going to let me live with him. That was not the case. Seth, you got room, right? You only got two kids. You guys got another house. You got two houses in Connecticut and shit. I'm sure there's room for me. it did not work out like that but i live in long island city and i don't hear anything except construction sometimes long island city is also deceptively close it really is it's like a lot closer than people realize that's a smart choice for your first place to land and it's boring so it kind of like reminds me of like the suburb in uh florida in the sense where it's removed from everything and then i just go in i i treat my life like i'm like batman i live away from all the fuckery Then I go do the fuckery, and then I come back. That's a good way to live. My question for you, though, is, so you're saying you're leaving One Oak at 2 a.m., and you're like, yeah, let's go back to Long Island City. What's the response to that? You know what I mean? That ain't no problem. When you got teeth like this. That ain't no problem. Long Island City? Is that New Jersey? I don't care. Let's go. Let's abandon this. Go back to my sanctuary. Long Island City. So you were doing your thing, and you've been a comedian for a long time, and you're doing your thing. It starts popping online. I want to talk about monetizing because we love to talk about money on this podcast. I have more of it than Jason, which is kind of an ongoing theme. I'm not super liquid right now, but I got a lot of assets. You know what I'm saying? That's what's important, Jason. You keep stacking them assets up. Yeah, that's right, Jeff. I'm sure you have some assets yourself. We can get into your portfolio in a little bit. Monetizing a TikTok thing is very... I would love for you to walk us through how something of that happens, because obviously where you've ended up is like the ultimate goal, right? Like you turned it into something like really tangible, really, really serious. But that in-between phase, how are you, you know, affording those public subs? Right. Well, now TikTok pays, so that's nice. I mean, I got a lot of views, a lot of likes, and the amount of money they pay. I'm not. But a good thing I don't need it. Anyway.

So TikTok does pay their creators, and they do monetize it for you, and that money comes in slow. But really, brand deals is how a lot of the money, at least I've made, I've unknowingly made myself someone that brands can partner with and it'd be comfortable. Especially like a lot of people's content, especially on TikTok, you get to say what you want, do what you want, and it's raw, and you're just going viral. I happened to have treated it in a way where it was like corporate friendly, too. You're going clean a little bit? Yeah, I mean, I'm cussing. Don't get me wrong. I'm cussing and doing all that. I'm cussing, bro. I'm a bad boy. I'm cussing. I was saying, gosh darn it, and all that. But really, you can put me with any corporate company and it'll... still be good like because my brand was low-key positivity and smiling and happiness so like you so like I was getting a lot of deals with stuff like that doing deals with um what Gillette my friends make fun of this one the Hormel chili video I did the fucked up part though I made a chili video and you know how What happens in this chili video? Walk us through the chili video. I fucking looked at the camera and smiled, but it was just like you didn't break eye contact. But the reason I wasn't doing it, that wasn't the video. It was just like, this is the concept of what I was thinking. And they were like, yeah, no, we want that. And I was like, all right, cool, I'm going to redo it. And they were like, no, no, no, we want that. And I was like, no, that's not. I was just... the idea so like this is good this is good advice because Jason's moving into the influencer space he's got a couple deals right now and um he's not probably as funny as you but he's getting a lot of great interaction and with his fans on Instagram so Jason maybe you should maybe it's time for you to get into TikTok oh you know maybe it's time for you to become a creator absolutely absolutely I think everyone should make a TikTok only for the pure fact that you can

do what you want and it's like low risk low pressure especially because like you see everyone and anyone so it's like you're not you don't have to work like when you're on instagram you kind of got to worry about who sees it and like what they think so why so why don't you have to worry about what you're putting on tiktok as much just because it's just like truly everyone in the whole world just some you you could be you could be a piece of shit and still be coming out on top compared to you one of the cog on on tiktok you get to fall right in and then you get the pop like and then then you kind of have to worry about how it looks and all that stuff. Did you start to understand, like, did you start to understand the algorithm and shit and know how to work it? Or do you, or was it just like, I'm going to do my thing and it worked? I'm going to do my thing and it worked. Honestly, I was like, God damn, like, they just love me. Like, I don't know what it was. Like, honestly, it wasn't luck because they just love me. Eventually you find an algorithm that works for you because you kind of train the app of when you're going to post and when you're going to produce content. But like, I was doing it every Tuesday and Thursday, and then I had time one week, and I was like, I'll just do it every day. I did it every day. But for the most part, once you go viral, if you go viral organically and it wasn't like a fluke, if you knew what you were doing to go viral and you do it again. Yeah. It starts to roll. So go viral, Jason. Yeah, just go viral. It's no big deal. It's not hard to do. So once I go viral, then it'll be all good? I think it's... Also, it's like, what do you do? What's your thing? What's my trade that I can offer? Jason, what is your trade? I'm trying to figure that out because I'm kind of his manager. You know what I mean? I negotiate a deal. Before we continue, head at Disneyland is not a thing. You can't market that. That's not your thing. So you cannot, Jason, getting top on small... That won't stop me from trying, fam.

Well, I'm very tall. Yeah, Jason's NBA height. He's 6'9", so that helps him be funnier. 6'11 and some Tims. Oh, you should do a segment called The Weather Up Here. The Weather Up Here. We're workshopping right now. Off top, the weather up here. So what happens in the weather up here? You just say the normalest shit, but everyone keeps asking, what's the weather like up there? So you describe what it's like from your vantage point. How's the weather up here? Make it charming, though. Don't be a dick about it. Make it charming. Yeah, no, that's good advice. That's good advice for life, really. You know what I mean? Don't be a dick about it. It's something Jason could definitely learn. Put that on a t-shirt. Don't be a dick about it. Your vibe is happy, positivity. Is that how it's been for all of your life, or was there a turning point where that switched over? I was really dark and really like I was walking around with a cloud, and then I said, no more. no more i just made a conscious choice like switch it no um honestly i've been a happy kid happy go lucky kid all my life like kids with other kids would be like yo why are you smiling all the time i'm like i don't even know i'm smiling i thought i was just fucking learning in class i didn't know i had a fucking goofy smile on my face but for the most part i've always been a joyful person you know how pissed off jason was about that i guess Yeah, he doesn't like that. Jason's a pretty happy guy, though. You're not smiley, but you're happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a happy guy. I'm a very positive guy, but I'm not really smiling. I'm a very dry, sarcastic kind of guy. So, like, you and I are real fire and ice. There we go. I love that. Yin and yang. I think the misconception, though, is that I'm not neutral a lot. Like, I'm way more neutral. it's easier for me to give happiness to someone else than me to get neutral like i'll but when i'm to myself i'm not happy just to myself i won't be sitting on that couch later with a fucking smile on my face for no reason that's not that's not what i mean it's just like when i interact with people what i give off is happiness but like on a day-to-day like if i'm walking down the street i'm not fucking goofy with the

You're not doing a howdy ho neighborhood. When Hormel calls, you turn the smile on it. You're happy as hell. When the check is right. The chili check. The chili check comes through when the chili check hits. When you smile, you gotta put the smile on it. When you got to New York, did you have friends here and shit? Did you have a crew or is it still in process? No, I got friends now. That's what happens when you smile, Jason. People kind of gravitate towards you. Bro, I mean, I already have too many friends. I'm trying to drop some. The DMs are already nutty, so I'm trying to slow it down. Tell them about the head at amusement park. Let's see how many he's there. He's told that story before. That ain't the first time the fans have heard that. That's not a deterrent. That is not a deterrent. That's not a deterrent. You're doing it right. It makes people jealous, maybe. So are you going to work every day, or are you at the crib? I go into work. probably like three times a week. Is it been different? Is it been an adjustment for you working with people on this shit versus like being, you know, solo operator? I mean, I like, I thought, I thought, Oh, you get a whole, you get a whole crew to help out with it. So like, it's, it's less work. And it's like, no, it's actually more work. You gotta like really, you gotta really map out the whole thing. And it's like, okay, you're not holding, you're not putting the camera on a tripod this time, but pretty much as far as. facilitating how it all goes down, that's still on you. You're still a part of the production. I think you just have help to make it come to real life, but as far as getting it done and just conveying it in itself, it takes a long time for people to understand what you're trying to do as far as wardrobe and props. It was just a part where I didn't even want to open emails because it would be like, so what do you think about this set? And I was like, it don't matter. They're not going to care about that. But you got to like, it's the stuff that it's important. It's the big leagues, baby. That's how it works. Yeah. That's funny though. So it's like the ideas are like the same, but the amount of work that goes into making them happen is more basically. Right. Because the things you wouldn't think about.

When it's just you, because you're probably like, I'll figure it out. Like, oh, this is all I have. This is all I use. But they're more so in the, we have anything. So what do you want? And it's like, oh, y'all just got a wall. Y'all just got, I was going to do this in front of a wall. Nah, we're going to have these 10 union guys come in and build a wall for you. It's going to take a week, but we'll have a wall for you. No problem. Don't touch that hammer. Do not touch the fucking hammer. You can't touch it. You can't pick up anything. I was like, you know, that's not even heavy. I can move that. No, you don't. That's his job. He moves. Yeah, don't cross the picket line. And you also have the pressure of whatever you're doing, being played on national television versus, like, your little TikTok. I'm not saying your TikTok is little. I got that. You know what I mean. Jason's rude. It's okay. I got it. No, but you're right. I've seen your little TikTok as I hate. Your little video. It's just on a little cell phone though, but I'm talking about a big old TV. Honestly, the pressure is kind of in-house. I feel more pressure to present it to Seth and everybody in the room more than anything. The filtering process, by the time it gets to the world, some great minds have already seen it. It's probably not going to be trash anymore. Honestly, I don't really like to talk my shit, but Like, if I'm presenting it to Seth, it's already going to be fire. And them filtering it out or going yay or nay just saves me from being ass on TV. So by the time it gets to the point where they're like, all right, show Seth this, enough people have vetted it to where they're like, this is funny enough to push it. Okay, so I vet it first, and I'm like, this is fire. And then if Seth says this is fire, then it's probably fire. And then it gets on. Or they'll tweak it, and then it gets on. But if he says, nah, this is ass or we won't use it, then that just, in my mind, I'm like, all right, cool. Save me from looking ass on TV. Okay, that's a great attitude. I love the idea of you coming with one of your ideas to Seth Meyers and Seth Meyers saying, that's ass, man. We're not doing that. Honestly, that's how I feel. That's his response. That's honestly how I feel. He takes it. Oh, no, this is ass. But I don't, I don't, I don't. You don't take it personally. I don't feel any type of way. Hell no. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The internet tells you shit is ass all the time. I think I'd rather hear it from one person who doesn't say it, just doesn't pick it, than the internet not picking it. Then it's just like, you bombed in front of everyone. I got a good amount of viewership, so if they don't take it, then you know they pretty much said this is ass. They said it with their likes and comments. They let you know. They let you know it's ass. Definitely. doing any stand-up while you're in New York now? Absolutely. I am out damn near every night. We're going out tonight. I don't think I'm performing tonight, but me and my best friend, Cody, who is also a comedian and a writer. Big shout-out to Cody. Shout-out to Cody. Big shout-out. Cody should pop up on a black screen with just his name. It'd just be me and Chris versus Jason and Cody. Cody can't save you now, brother. No, we can't play two-on-two. We can't play two-on-two. You know, I famously don't think stand-up is funny. Really? I really think that memes are funnier than stand-up most of the time. I understand the amazing skill that it requires to do it and hold the attention of the room and control the crowd. I went to the comedy cellar the other night to watch someone work on their new special. And it was pretty funny, but there was like this incident in the crowd where there was like this drunk heckler, you know, whole thing. And the way that he flamed her was the funniest part of the whole night for me. and so you like crowd work then i guess i like crowd work but i also i i like i feel like you don't like the prepared as far as like someone talking about their thoughts and i okay you like what's happening in the moment where you can see but honestly chris that sounds to me like you don't want to do the work as far as being an audience member like imagining what they're saying and like yeah but that's fine because like when you know that's very possible that's right or a video online all the information is there but like when someone is on stage like describing

that you got to like really want to you got to like want to envision what they're saying yeah and i think when they when they flame that lady you needed no context you knew everything was going on yeah you're right just got a great point no you're absolutely right i've never thought of it that way i mean i think that like i don't want it if it's that easy to quote tupac yeah yeah exactly yeah yeah I think that – I mean there were a few things that he did that I knew were rehearsed but I liked and I think they were smart. But I think the other thing is that comedy to me seems like it shifted into this like cultural commentary a little bit earnest. area that i don't think is just about laughs anymore i mean obviously there are people doing both but i think the stuff that we're we're seeing get really popular is definitely trying to tackle a bigger idea than just i want to make the crowd laugh yeah like you you just you got them to clap out of opinion not at a joke um some people aren't stand-ups anymore some people are motivational speakers but because they introduce themselves as stand-ups like we give them that still like in my mind Steve Harvey. Are you talking about Kevin Hart? Who are you talking about? I'm talking about Steve Harvey. Steve Harvey probably wouldn't say he's a stand-up anymore. He's probably a motivational speaker at this point. Steve Harvey is Laurie's dad now. That's what he is. He's a king of comedy. This man got 400 jobs on TV. On the shade room? On the shade room, he's Lori's dad. That's what he... That is true. That is true. As far as Instagram is concerned, that is a father. Yeah, he's a father to Michael B. Jordan's girlfriend. That's what he is. I forgot about that. That sounds like a terrible job, I gotta say. You don't get paid nothing. No, you just... And you're always just like, who's fucking my daughter? God damn it, who's fucking my daughter today? Not a future. God damn, anybody's a future. At least it's not a future. Michael B. Jordan, you can rest with that. Michael B. Jordan, honestly, best case scenario for him. That is best case scenario. He's good looking. He's famous. He doesn't have any scandals. Future, worst case scenario. Absolute worst case. I disagree. Ten kids. Ten kids. But he's probably – I bet Steve in future.

Broke more bread together. I bet Steve wanted to party with Future. From one toxic king to another. Exactly. They speak the same language. Honestly, I can see that. Steve is like, I did a little dirt in my day too, Youngblood. Youngblood. Youngblood. Steve and Future are closer now. They're closer now. They're boys. No, I mean, Dad, I really wish you wouldn't talk to him anymore. He kind of, I mean, he cheated on me. Like, I really wish. Yo, that's my guy. Michael B's little goofy ass, little dork ass Michael B. You sure you don't like him anymore? Because the music, he just dropped the song. It's not bad. It's not bad. I think he's got it back, sweetheart. I really do. I think he's back. I think he's back. It's not March Madness, but it's good. It's good. Hot New Hip Hop says it's very hot with three Ts. I think you should check it out, honey. He's really turning himself around right now. Oh, that's funny. I mean, I think that you are right, though. You make a very good point that there's like... it's more nuanced and there's a lot more categories now but but once you're a stand-up you're always going to be labeled a stand-up there's a lot of sub sets within it there's some storytellers there's some people who just are social commentary there's people who uh sure just uh set up punchline i feel like that's its own subset too um and it's just about finding who you're a fan of i think is the hardest part like it's like we gotta treat uh stand-ups like they're a streaming service now. You might like Netflix, you might not like Hulu, and it's like you gotta find what you like and who you like and not pay for the other subscription. I'm not paying for this Bill Cosby anymore. Stuff like that. I'm only fucking with Cat Williams in the early 2000s. You can't timestamp who you fucking with. Yeah, I can't. I'm only fucking with Samsung.

Sevens. That's it. That is it. No, because people have – it's like music to me. People have records that are amazing. Okay. Do you want to hear Eminem in 2021? I didn't think so, bro. Exactly. No, you don't. Yeah, no, you don't. You want to hear what the Rolling Stones new shit sounds like when they go see him at Madison Square Garden? It might be hard. It's not. It might be hard. You have a good point. It might be. You've got to hear it out. It might be. A lot of things might be, but I like to make educated guesses. That's kind of my brand. Right. People have their era, though. Of course, if Cat Williams puts out a stand-up special now, I'm still going to check for it. But will it have the same magic and venom as 2021 or something like that? It remains to be seen. The world has shifted as far as what we want to receive has shifted, too. We'll say we want that raw, raunchy stuff, but then you've got to really... really carve out what you mean by that and like how raw how raunchy you know what i mean and like figuring that balance out is tough i like that yeah i have to get consent from my comedians they have to they have to get consent from me before they get too raw honestly that might not be a bet hey y'all like dick jokes still like no all right so is it cool yeah is it cool if i talk about you know sex is that cool with you guys Well, it's definitely, if you're like a clean working comic, life is definitely much easier for you right now than if you're somebody who's pushing the edge. It's more work, but is it more rewarding? It's more rewarding. The difficulty is harder. When you're watching the Olympics and someone's doing a high dive and it's just one little twist, that's nothing, but you do a little quadruple flip. That's for the heads. I think there's also been a misconception about how you can be this way and have a certain group of people that like you and live off that and be good versus everyone coming after you. I think this whole not liking someone so you don't want anyone to like them thing has gotten a little louder than just like turning it off, you know? I would agree with you completely. It's insane, actually. I mean, it's like...

I mean, the worst version of that is, like, the Stan culture shit, you know, where if you don't like someone, you get doxxed. Right. But it trickles all the way down to a more manageable place like you're talking about. Are you looking to do, like, do you want to do a special and do that whole thing? Or are you happy, like... kind of you know behind the scenes doing doing the videos doing your thing now or are you trying to get on the stage eventually i do want to um do a stand-up special and introduce myself as far as being a comedian the right way um i wouldn't necessarily say i'm clean i think just the my stand-up versus maybe someone else's is just me more me-centric i'm like super conceited and into myself jason um but i think i think that is like my uh that's your angle yeah it's like I'm likable, or at least I think I am, and I think positive, so I feel like let me just let y'all know why. That's interesting to me as somebody who's not that positive. I'm like, you figured out how to be happy and smile a lot, and you're willing to tell me this for free? I'm all ears. Hold on. Chris, you heard that last part? What the fuck was that? I represent Jeff as well. We don't do anything for free. That's part of my... It's going to be a ticketed event or it will be a subscription cost. It can be monthly. COVID's been tough. We got a lot of open mic. It's donation based. You got to relax, brother. He did. Damn, Jeff said price going up. We getting paper for real. The bag is different now. So your quote-unquote bag is different. What are we buying? Because, I mean, you said the apartment's a little small. It's in Long Island City. It's not in the West Village. We don't spend money. Don't tell me you're one of those guys. You don't spend it all. What do you do with it? You got crypto? I got crypto. I got a little bit of crypto. God damn it, Jeff. Don't disappoint me. God damn it, Jeff. You better not own a single NFT or I'm coming through this fucking screen. I don't. I don't know what the fuck that is.

But when I do figure out what the fuck it is, I'm in there. I'm in there, Chris. I'm sorry. I'm crazy. I'm in there. Once I figure out what NFTs are, it's over for you, bro. The portfolio is going to go for me. Once I figure out, once I research, which everyone says, I'm still doing my research. So you're not spending any money. You got a financial, you got a business manager? No. Got a financial investor. These guys get one job in Hollywood. They got a city national account. They got a business manager. They got a fucking lawyer. It's great. You got one job, man. Relax. These guys are all taking 10%. Oh, God. It's crazy. This is crazy. Manager, agent. I'm not going to lie. It's a lot of money going out, but it's a lot of money coming in, so it makes it a lot better. But I think for me, though. One, I don't spend money like that just because I'm like one of the first, maybe the second in my family that I really start getting some money. So I don't really spend it like that. And if I did, it's only like my biggest purchase so far was like my mom's house. Oh, Jeff. God damn it. Damn. God damn it, Jeff. You're pissing me off. fucking guy. Yeah, I don't spend much money. I bought my mom a crib. That was kind of it. You know how many APs that'll get? Golly, Jeff, what a minch. So are we splashing out at all? The shoes, you know, bought a couple Jordans, but had a couple Jordans. Bought a couple chains, but something light. You know, it's not really, like, I'm not a rapper, so I don't have to do the big Cuban shit. I can just do something. you know, eloquent, elegant, and people... I prefer my comedians to wear a chain. It's a rare, you know, it's rare. Is you an Andrew Schultz? Andrew Schultz doesn't wear a chain. I don't think he wears a chain. He's a human chain. If a chain could be turned into a human, that's... That boy getting money now. And when you hold the little, is it real, tester up to the chain? It's going... Andrew Schultz is a bank account. He's walking around. He's sitting nice. If I could be that corny and make that much money, I would probably do it too. But unfortunately, I'm just too cool. I can't do it. I think he's cool. Y'all think he's cool? I think he's really cool. No, he's not cool. No, that's not who it's for, though. That's why it's so big. It's for middle America. That's why it's so big. He's hit the right zone of people that...

think that he is cool. I think he tricked you into thinking he's not cool, only because I think Andrew Schultz asks a lot more questions than he says anything. Not that he doesn't say anything, but I think he asks a lot of questions, and I think people infer his opinion based off his questions, and I think you might go. No, I'm a longtime listener of his podcast. I've been listening to that podcast forever, and I don't know what's wrong with me. I also hate Charlemagne. I think Charlemagne is, like, actually a problem, but that's a separate issue. Wow. No, but I also am, like, Andrew, I mean, it's like, bro, you're making a – I mean, I watched – the Netflix thing was literally unwatchable. Like, I couldn't – but, like, it worked. It's like – and I also – I do respect, though, like – his like, I'm just going to do this shit with my people. I'm going to pay everybody and just make it happen. That is, that's respectable and it's worked and that's just good business. That's cool. It doesn't have to be, I don't have to like it or think it's cool or think it's relevant for it to be a good business and to give my respect to that. That's just how it is. I got you. I got you. J. Cole's making money too. Logic's making money too. Yeah, exactly. It's like, you know, people have good businesses, but I do think that the, uh, He's spending money on rude sweatpants and shit. I spend my money. I live a certain kind of lifestyle, Jeff. You know what I mean? I got two apartments. Wait, wait, wait. We still renting, though. We got to own some apartments. We got to put some land down. Jeff, it's funny you say that because I actually just don't give a shit about that, even though I know it's the right thing to do. We're going to buy a house in L.A. once it calms down because it's fucking insane right now. The market's just crazy right now, Jeff. You understand. It's actually a bad time to buy right now. Yeah, his financial advisor introduced him to a realtor. I'm sure he's talking about the market all the goddamn day long. It's a bubble. But no, I don't spend a ton of money, but I also don't want to think about what I'm spending my money on. I want to go out to eat where I want. I want to stay in the hotels I want. I want to fly on the planes at the times I want. I want the best of everything, but I'm not stupid. I'm not going to live beyond my means to achieve that. You know what I mean?

What I'm trying to say is there's a lot of, like, smaller luxuries in life that I partake in that make me feel very comfortable that I think are worth the money. Right. No, no. I definitely, like, when I first moved, one of my mentors told me, spend a little bit more just so you're comfortable, but, like, don't go outside your meals. And I was like, damn, that's good advice. I mean, I think you're set up. I mean, I... I made a lot of money when I was really young in the music business and, and like absolutely spent every penny of it on like cocaine and hanging out. Like I just literally, that's not, that's not a joke. How expensive is cocaine? Is cocaine that expensive? No, it's not that expensive. It's not that expensive, but when you're buying it for everyone four or five nights a week, you know, it's, you know, it gets, it gets expensive. How do you, how do you claim your money back for cocaine? Like, Hey, y'all remember that cocaine? No, you don't. No, that's not – but I spent all this money when I was like 20. That's when you hit him with the ski emoji Venmo request. Unfortunately, this was pre-Venmo, so yeah. Yeah, you had to eat that. You just had to eat that. I didn't eat much, Jeff, because I wasn't hungry, but I did eat a lot of costs. I did eat a lot of costs. You're like, what did you eat today? Parliament lights? That's about it. Yeah, exactly. 14 vodka sodas. But no, I mean, I spent all this money, so I think financial responsibility came to me a little later in life because I thought I was going to live one way and then realized that's not. how it really works. Like this windfall, you know what I mean? Like, Oh, I went from zero to a hundred overnight and that's just how it's going to be now is what you think when you're 23, 24 years old and you quickly are slapped into reality as you get older. So in the last like five years, you know, I'm a little behind is what I'm trying to say. I'm a little behind, you know, and now I've, and I'm trying to catch up because it's all, I mean, it's no one's fault, but my own. I think I lived in a, a health with a healthy fear of losing money. So,

I don't double check every time I spend $100. I'm sure I'm fine. But I do, like you say, I do prioritize a lot of things. If I don't need it, I won't do it. That's smart. I mean, that's just good. I mean, you know, that's a good way to live. Better than the way I'm living, for sure. Nah, you're living right now. Two apartments, one for Tuesdays, one for, you know, every other day of the week. Well, no, one's in Los Angeles, one's in New York. That's the reason why. It was better in my head when I thought they were both in the same. They're just next door to each other. They're literally next door. Well, they wouldn't let me tear on the wall, so I just got both. And it's, you know, I have to go out the door. And he always says, I'm about to go change the weather. You know what I'm saying? and he just walks around the corner. It's the same climate. I don't know who he's doing. I'm about to change your view, baby. Come with me. Technically, I did change your view. Technically, I did. It's on the fourth floor. You know what I'm saying? The stairs are pretty – they're not that creaky. It's pretty nice. Wait, wait, do you see the other view, the south view? Oh, my God. The south view. Yeah, it's facing south. No, it's not a park or anything. It's just more buildings. If you look behind the refrigerator, it has a nice little view. So, so when you bought your mom a crib, was that back in Orlando? Yeah. You know, I bought, I bought her, her crib. Like she was paying it off. That's gotta be a good feeling, right? How does that feel? It was straight. We got over it really quick. She was like, I only had two more payments left anyway. She's like, Jeff is $50. I got it. Hold his little, hold his little 1200. He's like, yeah, you know, paid off the mom's crib. You know what I'm saying? I gave her some European money and she didn't take it. It felt good, but I quickly got over it. I see what you mean. That was always the goal, so you're not going to gas yourself up when you achieve it. On to the next. No, that's the way to do it. I'm sure your mom was.

one of the nicest things someone could do for their mom, I would say, uh, besides top goal, besides giving them, you know, a grandchild, which I'm sure you're trying to avoid. Um, but, uh, I'm, I'm with you chief, but, uh, do you have brothers, do you have brothers and sisters or no? I have an older brother and a younger sister. I'm, I'm the weirdo that was like, I want to judge you. I mean, was your mom like, you're fucking insane, but you got good grades, so it was fine type shit? That is literally what it is. She was like, because I graduated and all, so she was like, as long as you're doing this, I can't get mad at you what you want to do with your extracurriculars. That's on you. Now she had to download an app on her Android to see your ass. Honestly, I think the funniest part... She tries to bring school back up as though that's what made me. She's like, you know, and you never would have. This would have happened sooner. You could have had this. You're saying you graduated. You graduated college. I graduated college. And you knew the whole time. This is a waste of my fucking time. I'm going to do this to make my mom happy. Absolutely. I was a, I was a bitch is what you're trying to say, Chris. I was a bitch made, but I wasn't going to say that. I didn't have any backbone. I said, yes, mama, I will finish this, but I will. No, but I think a lot of people, I mean, I, I dropped out of high school. Jason didn't finish college. I think that like, I like, I admire you guys like that can do that. And like, just go full after what you want. You know what I mean? Wholeheartedly after what you want. I, I admire that. Cause like, it took me a while. What was your degree in? Is there anything useful for you there? advertising and public relations. No, that's pretty useful, honestly. I think it's pretty useful. No, that's useful. No, that's actually really useful. I didn't know. Did you also play sports or do you just look like that? I played football in high school, but that was it. What do you do now? Which Equinox do you go to? Let's tell the ladies out there. I do not go to Equinox. Ladies, you will not find me anywhere. I'm not outside. You're just doing kettlebells in the living room? No, I have a gym in this apartment. It's small, but it has a lot of amenities. But yeah, I just go to the gym and just do that stuff. Yeah, you seem like a calisthenics guy.

You know what I mean? I feel like you can do some wild body weight shit. You know what I mean? For sure. Your pull-up game. Your pull-up game. And possibly pull-out game. I don't know. It's impeccable. Impeccable. I think y'all never seen the pull-up where you bring your legs up and then you kind of like fold yourself and you come back down. Oh, yeah. One of them. Yeah. I don't know. Woo! One of them. That's control. That is control. Kegels are paying off. That's Kegels for your shoulders right there. That's crazy. I'm not even trying to be working out. This was just sex this whole time. No, bro. That's some bedroom shit. That's what I refer to the gym as. I thought that was understood, guys. I thought it was clear. I don't know what you guys do, but I don't know what you guys do. That's nice to have the gym in the apartment, though. That's really nice. No, for sure. And it's 24 hours. I'm a weird dude. I work out late at night after coming back from stand-up. It's hard to go to sleep after an amazing set at the store. You'd either get a slice of pizza or go blast those delts, right? Absolutely. It's easier to fall asleep after you bash yourself in for an hour. No, it's true. So when you're working out, are you listening to your set that you just recorded to try and do a little game tape? How into myself do you think I am? Well, you literally said, you literally said, I'm into myself. No, I didn't say, those were not my words. I said, I'm that guy. I'm just, I'm really that guy. So, well, I mean, a lot of comedians, a lot of comedians will record their sets and listen back to them, see how they could improve it. see where you're like, oh, I should have put that tag there or whatever. That's a common thing, right? Yeah, but I'll be doing that in the car. Hopefully I don't cringe while I hear it, but for the most part, just doing it in the car right back. Usually when I'm trying to write, that's when I'll go back to it. I guess people will go back when it's fresh, but me, I'm trying to go back when it's in the creative process of it all. That makes sense. So you can listen to...

You can listen to rap caviar in the gym like a normal person. Like a normal person. Yo, people really run to nothing. And we need to stop this. We need to stop this. Look, don't come for white people on this podcast. I know what you meant by that. Yo, I recently, like in the last month at the gym, I went no headphones. No headphones mode. On the treadmill though? Any workout. Cardio, weights. stretching, whatever shit. I'm not, I'm not running on the treadmill, but I'm doing, you know, calling the police. There's a mad man. And you had the audacity to talk about Florida. You had the Florida. There's a white man. There's a, there's a white man here on the treadmill with no headphones. And they're like, they're like, sir, we've gotten a lot of reports about this recently. And I, unfortunately I think it's multiple, multiple white assailants on the treadmill, no headphones on. He's liable to shoot this whole place up. Yeah. He's liable. This man is definitely a workplace shooter. I can tell by the way. I can tell by the way. Ma'am, calm down. Does he have AirPods? There's no AirPods? No, there's no AirPods. Just sit tight. We'll be there. And he's running at a fast pace. At a fast pace. Yeah, okay. How about this, Jeff? Human beings have been running for millions of years. True. Only in your lifetime. How old are you? 27? Something like that? Yeah, 27. Deadass? I was glad you brought this up. Because humans have been running with no music, right? And they've been dying at 50, 60. Don't take my setup and flip it on me. Damn, he just Carlos Mencia'd your ass. Bro, come on. Don't do that. So you're going to compare the advances in modern medical technology with goddamn headphones? You got that right. Back then, people didn't know what to do with their depression. Now you shove it into music. Everybody knows that. I put my depression on the pen and the pad. You know what I'm saying? Okay, Jeff, let's say this. What if I'm going to go do some laps in the pool? Do you got to have headphones on for that shit? See? I like you, Jason.

I like you, Jason. And that's what we have. Why is that? We have speakers, brother. That's what we do. We put speakers on and we do lapses in the pool. This isn't Shaq's house. We don't all have fucking Bluetooth speaker bazooka in the fucking pool. You have a pool. What are you talking about? A pool equals money. There's like no poor person. Bro, you live in Florida. Pool does not equal money and you know that. I've been to Orlando. I've been to Orlando. Okay, so how about this one? I didn't see that. I fell into your trap card. I didn't see that. Yeah, bro. I'm playing 5D. You're on 4D. It's all good. So we're in the sauna. We're in the wet steam room. You don't even – it's time to think. The sauna, you're not doing anything. Okay, now it's time to think. Okay. We can't think while we're running? That's good for you. I'm just saying. We're always – Hell no. Hell no. Hell no. When you're running, you need to be distracted or you're going to stop. I agree with you 100%. You guys need to work harder. That's all I'm saying. I know some serious runners that don't listen to music. Guys who could do a marathon. Guys that are in crazy shape. I also think it's serial killer behavior. I would drop out of a marathon if my headphones died. I quit. You're in the New York City Marathon. You got your PR going and the AirPod goes, and you're like, oh, shit. The finish line was right there. I can't do it. I'm done. I'm out. Jason sounds like we offended his religion. No, I'm just saying it's a shame because we're all glued to our devices. We're listening to podcasts, TikTok videos, TV movies, the whole shit. We need to carve out more moments to not be plugged in to put the phone down. I know that makes me sound like a boomer, but it's a thing that I really believe in. I agree. But I just mean runners. Runners is my only. Running only. Running only. That's when I'm like, I need something. But that just might be me. I think my brain, the way it works is it'll get bored. And if he gets bored, he's going to be like, why are we doing this? Don't get me wrong. I can't take a shower without my cell phone in it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, Jason's literally saying this is a guy who was forced by his girlfriend to put up speakers in his bathroom for a Sonos. So I don't know who he's. Yo, it's called Atmosphere. It's called Atmosphere. Check it out sometime. Yeah, you go over there. There's just some ambient Eno playing in the bathroom. You don't even know.

In the guest bathroom. I mean, you light a candle, you put on some tasteful jazz. This is about to be a fucking movie. You're not even using the bathroom anymore. You're just in there. It's just another room in the house now. I'm just doing my expenses. It's just nice in here. I don't know. Call me goofy. It's just nice in here. Alright, Jeff. Thank you for taking the time to podcast with us. It was a treat. Thank you for having me. I hope it was just as enjoyable for you as it was for Jason. Where can people find you on TikTok, on Instagram, etc.? Jeff right now on everything. I tried to make it easy. You did make it easy. You have to because there's another person named Jeff Wright who's more established than you. I'm talking about the guy who just died on the James Bond movie. Jeffrey Wright. You're talking about Jeffrey Wright. Jeffrey Wright, yeah, yeah. Oh, don't do that Hollywood shit. Oh, Jeffrey Wright. Yes, of course. I'm just saying we have to be clear. No, no, no. It's true. It's true. What does it say on your birth certificate? Oh, God. All right, Jason. See, Jason tried to end this, and I should have gave it to him. It was your fault. It was your fault. All right, Jeff right now? Jeff right here? Jeff right now. Jeff right now. Jeff right now on all the platforms. And Late Night with Seth Meyers is on Monday through Friday, right? Monday through Friday. Check that out. Thanks, Jeff. And you catch Jeff at the cellar, you know what I mean, working on his material with his comedian friends. If you see him in the Uber heading back to Long Island City with a little bad ting in there, you didn't see it. A bad ting. You know the vibe. You didn't see that. You did not see that. Yeah, you didn't see that. You didn't see that. All right, bro. All right. We'll see you soon, Jeff. Thanks, man. Later.

You gotta show me what you gotta do. Bring the clip back empty and shit. You asked to see the ball, so they sent me, dawg. I just broke off with a 10-piece, dawg. There ain't nothing, I'm just being friendly, dawg. It's just a little 10-piece for it just to blow it in the mob. Doesn't mean that we involved. I just what? I just put a rigid on the card. I ain't go playing ball. But I'll show you how the fuck you gotta do it if you really wanna fall. Till you fall when you're back against the wall. And a bunch of niggas need you.