438. - Esther King

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. DJ Chris Flack is here. DJ Them Jeans is here. What is up, 2023? How long goners? I've got my press juice cleanse going on right now. Number two. Citrus, cucumber, pineapple, coconut water, lemon, aloe vera. A nice black drip coffee with my new pour over that my girlfriend's mommy got me for Christmas. And a little whole milk in there because, you know, I need those omega-3 calories or something. I'm celebrating today, Jason, after years of legal battles. Thank God. De La Soul's first six albums are available on streaming services on March 3rd. So I'm kind of... I'm just so happy. This was your break the internet moment. Yeah, I'm just so happy for all the dusty nerds who have speakers in their house. I'm sure they can't wait to stream this on Spotify, Apple, Tidal. Maybe they even, who knows, maybe they buy these high-quality MP3s. I honestly don't know. But, yeah, it's a big day. I was up very early to hit a Tuesday Pilates this morning to kind of get my body right as well. Where did we focus on? Was it total? Don't tell me it was total body. It was total body, but this teacher is really the hard one, and she kind of likes me, I think, because I laugh sometimes when things are hard. I just giggle a little bit, and I think she appreciates the fact that... She's not the only immature person in the class? No, more that she's making a big man laugh instead of cry, I think is kind of where she looks at it. But also, maybe she appreciates another silly Billy like myself, even under the...

the high stress of a workout. Smiling and laughing through it all. How does she do it? It's fucking crazy, bro. But how are you feeling otherwise? I know you've been back at Equinox, which I'm worried about Equinox. They've been having a tough week after they paid someone a probably large sum of money to come up with a bad ad campaign. We got beat up on Twitter a little bit, sure. Who hasn't? But I'm asking, is the... Me? I'm celebrated on Twitter. I don't know. I mean, celebrated. I would say that, except that you're unfortunately deeply connected to me. The only chink in my armor. Yeah. Yeah, I need a vibe. I mean, obviously, Glendale is not the hottest location, so it's going to be a little different than maybe in NYC or West Hollywood. But I guess I'm asking, do you feel like there are new members? Are these new members hot and rich? Well, it's weird because I've been saying the word E-O-Y. I guess that's not a word, but for end of year. Yeah, yeah. I know what it means. Thanks. I know that you know because you have an email job, but I meant for anyone else who's listening. But does anyone say B-Boy for beginning of year? Or is there another? No one says that, and don't try to make that a thing. Don't make this LP because it's not going to stay. What if, well, how does one say beginning of year in an abbreviated tense? I don't think it needs to be said. I don't think there's anything. I think the problem is that people, these acronyms are unnecessary because. Obviously, as the dates get deeper into December and as the dates are early in July, we know what that means. We know what those things means. Well, I mean, the need for any of these, obviously, is zero. But we're past that now, and we have to make peace with it in our new – this is what I call our new normal. Oh, I see. We're living in our new normal. I understand. But, yeah, if you want to report over there at – at Equinox for boy, boy23. Yeah, there are some hot people signing up. There was some new talent there that I was pretty impressed to see. There was some cool hip people there that it was a little jarring to my system because usually Glendale is my... Escape. It's my oasis away from the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I like to keep it that way, which is odd because I always talk about it and big up it so much, but...

Well, luckily, it's been staying around the same. But yeah, it's obviously it's been it's been busy. B.O.Y. Obviously, none of these people are as hot and as rich as the gyms that you go to the Easton gym. That's right. Well, Easton's more full of actors that you may or may not recognize. But I'm asking, I guess, because you told me a little story about. kind of being on the stretching mat where you spend most of your time with a pretty, a pretty major celebrity. And this was, so he's, he's not signing up. He was a member before he didn't jump on the bandwagon for, for boy 23. He's probably been a member for a while, but that, that it's been laying a little dormant, which is, you know, it happens to the best of us podcasters, audio creators, but you're not referring to any Jason, any myriad member of. System of a down. I call them system. Those guys are knocking through the halls. They're basically the bullies of my gym. They're always stealing my muscle milk. My muscle milk money. They're stealing your muscle milk quarters your mom gave you? I'm not even talking about the Armenian big butt hotties with the Beats and the Jordans. I'm talking about fellow podcaster, audio creator, artist, actor, comedian, Mark Maron. And Jason reported from the mat at Equinox Glendale that Marin was there. My mat. And Marin was rocking a comedy store hoodie. God, I hope he doesn't listen. And unfortunately, some on running, which I guess for his age, that track, his age and income demographic that does track. Yeah, I've been seeing more and more peers. of ours who are starting to be yeah they're getting a little less vigilant on in the war against on running no they're giving in so uh stay sharp brother it's so it's so comfortable for only 260 you can get an ugly shoe uh but the the thing with the thing that interests me most about mark maron's gym fit He's a Jim Beanie guy, which is – It has been chilly, but it is giving – It's not that chilly. I don't plan on doing a whole ton of workout today. Exactly. Well, he also – I mean he has a nice head of hair for his advanced age. I will give him credit there. So it may be – I mean I guess it's better than him rocking like some sort of headband or something to keep it out of his face. But I guess that is the most –

You know, that just seems like the beanie in the gym is a very L.A. kind of look that you don't – I don't catch that much in New York because I think it's so cold there. You wear the beanie to the gym, and you're happy to take it off. You know what I mean? Sure. So, Marin, I mean, I don't want to – obviously, I'm happy when anyone's in the gym because it's going to help them live longer and feel better, and that's something that I support, and that's not a joke. Dude, give it up. Give it up for yourself for saying something so bad. So what I'm saying is that I want to give it up, even though Marc Maron – is dressed like a guy who worked the late shift at a bar last night. I do want to give him props for kind of getting it in. And I just want to give him best wishes for the new year and keep creating. You know what I mean? Because that's kind of all we can do because that's what we're built for and born for. Yeah, I feel it happening. I think I'm going to be doing a lot of creating this year. Every time I see Mark in the streets of Cali, all over up and down the coast, parts of Santa Barbara, Montecito, San Diego, they have a great little improv over there. I love Chucklefuckers in San Diego. No, they've got a store over there. Okay, we're going to talk to our guests about all these places today. We'll talk about that. But every time I see him, he really gives me that look, which is... This motherfucking cat. I don't think he knows who you are, but I think he hates what you stand for, and that's a very cool power to have. If he doesn't know whomst I amst, how does he know what I stand for? Because he can look at you and tell you're a prick, just like everybody else. But some people find it charming and cool, and some people are just like, this guy's my competition. Whether it's, I don't need to know he does for a living. Like, this guy could be trying to fuck my chick, I don't know. Am I giving prick? Yeah, you're giving prick. Oh, bro, you're giving big prick. But I think that it's only with men, of course. Big, big clit, move over, big prick coming through. I think you're just giving, I think you're just, you have a competitive air about you.

that you're alpha, and even though Marc Maron has a lot more money than you, he is a beta. No one's ever called me alpha, especially you, Chris. Well, you're not an alpha compared to a real one like me, but compared to a fucking... comedian, actor, former Air America mouthpiece, you are definitely an alpha. I get it. It's like a big fish, small pond. If I were to be in something like the big leagues, like menswear blogging or something like that, it's a whole other story in terms of alpha behavior. No, 100%. Cufflinks and stuff like that, manly shit. No one's talking about cufflinks, but my question to you is... Why did you not? Now, you'll talk to anybody. You talk to people who could kill you. You talk to waiters. You talk to everybody. You make a little small talk. It's kind of your thing. People that could kill you. You think it's so cute. It's like part of your charm. Oh, you're so jealous that I'm a chatty boy. No, I love it. I love being a part of it. I got an answer for you, Chris, and I think you're going to like it. Okay, so the question is, let me pose the question officially. Why did you not? Because this is the most intimate setting that I think you've been in with. podcast celebrity Mark Maron, why did you not... He crawled into my tangled web. So why didn't you kind of... This is your home turf, in my opinion. So why, when Maron's putting the on-runnings on your bands for stretching, why did you not break the ice with a fellow podcaster? Why was I no-called no-show for the chattiness? There's so much to talk about. You have a proven track record of annoying strangers. Why would you not do that with this stranger? Well... Because I got one answer for you, Chris. The gym is a sacred place. I don't fuck around there, okay? I had a feeling this was coming. It means everything to me. I had a feeling this was coming, and I do agree with you. I do agree with you. But I just feel like for this – Also, I could have been off an edible. That's fine. I feel like you're going to be off an edible anytime you see Marc Maron because you're on edibles a lot and you see Marc Maron pretty often. So I don't think that's really – This is a numbers game. Yeah, this is a numbers game. So I guess my question is, you know,

Next time, will them jeans nut up and maybe make a little small talk with Mark? Or are you going to leave the, you know, who are your guys questioning to when he finally joins us on How Long Gone? I don't know. I think it's going to have to be a situation where it is so awkward if I didn't say, you know, like if we're in line together at the DMV or, you know, just some like. We're in the drunk tank together. He relapses, whatever. I get a little too loose on the Rose Bowl parade. I don't know. Whatever it is, in that situation where it's completely unavoidable, then I will be like, hey, man, who are your guys? I love Bobcat, bro. I love Bobcat. Lauren's Lauren. Otherwise, I don't think... I don't know. I have nothing to say to him. And he puts out such a do not disturb vibe. Yeah, no, he does. But you don't have anything to say to anybody and that doesn't stop you. That's not true. That's not true. Call me an ice pick the way I break the ice, Chris. I'm something like an ice pick the way I break this ice. I'm something S-U-M-M-I-N apostrophe. Yeah, that was fabulous style. The Big Hat King. All right, we do have a guest today, Esther King, a comedian that Jason and I are familiar with. Esther King? Her name's Patinsky. Yeah, but I can't pronounce that, so I'm just going to call her by her Instagram name. Esther Pavitsky. Maybe her middle name is King. Wouldn't that be cool? Also known as Little Esther. But yeah, anyway, she has a podcast called My Pleasure. um that is that is very popular and she also takes a lot of great pictures for the instagram app yeah she's at the store she's at the improv she's at the ice house she's at the ground lane wow she's on the joe rogan experience she's all over the way has esther done the joe rogan experience she uh according to wiki she was the very first female to appear on the joe rogan experience holy shit do you think he made her kind of put on a gi or does she dress normally

This is early days, man. I wonder how long ago that was. That's very interesting. And she's also friends with a friend of the show, Caroline Goldfarb, who does Fish Wives. Of course. You know, I'd be eating all of that chili crisp. That makes one of us. All right, let's give Esther a jingle. I'm sure she's going to be just a ray of sunlight that we need on this overcast day. Okay, fuck yeah. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, sort of our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world... writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools. So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote, unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional. as your competition, if not more. So, head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need a fucking...

Something put together, a cabinet. Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf. TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. And, I mean, how it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture. repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a Tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because Taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs, handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world, is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code. How long taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code howlong with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable. And they're just easy, but still put together. I don't look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics, but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts.

Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. Where are you coming to us from Los Angeles? It looks like you're in a, is this your house or are you at a co-working space? This is my house. That is an interesting observation you made. So there's like a geometric steam glass. display behind you yes could you elaborate on that a little bit more it's it is funky if you ask me wow i've never been asked thank you i feel so honored so this is it i live in a very mid-century modern home that is like almost completely untouched since it was built and i'm kind of identify as like a ghost or at least friendly to ghosts so i like living in a place that's like okay untouched Okay, so this is an untouched architectural masterpiece. Yes. And are you allowed to, obviously, does that mean that you're not allowed to make changes and any sort of construction would have to be cleared with like the board and stuff like that? No, no, I could do whatever I want, but I choose to honor the integrity of the Chinese doctors who live here. originally who the house was built for it was the house was it was one of the first it is kind of giving ginseng now that you say that no so one of the first homes in la designed by a chinese architect and it was designed for doctors who were childless who loved to entertain niche bunch yeah wow very very niche so gay

Love to entertain and no kids. That's me or a gay Chinese doctor. Do we know what kind of medicine they were involved in? No, I have no other answers. Prep shots. I should meditate and see if the walls will give me more answers. I have a question about those walls. Would you say that the home has good or bad bones? Great bones. Such good bones. And by the way, I recently learned. a thing that differentiates rich people from normal people, which is that whenever like rich people come into my home, they just point out what walls should be taken down. And it's like, it's actually very offensive. I'm like, well, wait, why? Like they're just so like all about. So you're saying that rich people love open concept homes. Well, that's that, but she's also saying like normal people. don't even have that thought in their mind that you could pay somebody to come in and remove a wall. That's not even in your realm of possibilities as a poor. Yes. And also the concept that people buy houses and then outgrow that house and buy another house is like so insane to me because I grew up in the same house my dad grew up in. So it's like you just have a house and then that's your house forever. Sure. Yeah. I'm kind of the same way as you, but then. I have a life partner who is guiding me in a different direction. Where it's sort of like a hermit crab, like we need a new shell every three years or else we're poor. Wow. Okay. That can also be good. It's good for me because he's driven to work harder so he can earn a little more money to kind of pay for the gardener and the pool boy and like that kind of stuff that he's kind of in charge of at the house. One day my house is going to be as big as Chris's. What is the – I don't have any desire to have a pool. I got to be honest with you. It just seems like a lot of pain in the ass. I don't have a pool and I thought like I really needed a pool to feel like I was a somebody and I think I finally realized that that's not the case and that I agree like there's all this upkeep that seems like I'm fine with just having grass instead. So more down with just like a tennis court instead kind of vibe? Yeah. I'm literally, I would rather spend a hundred grand on a tennis court for sure than a pool.

Obviously, there's no woman in the world that would agree with that, so we're going to go with the pool. Yeah. Pools are fun. So, Esther. Yeah, tennis court. Esther, what's going on? So, you live in L.A. Do we live in the same neighborhood? I live in Glendale. Chris is in WeHo, Avi. Oh, my God. Like, so right in the middle of you guys, kind of Silver Lake. Hi. Okay. Okay. Wow, great. What's up in Silver Lake besides gentrification? Is there anything else going on over there? To be honest, I'm very post-gentrification, so I'm not even a part of that. I'm so after it. I'm so late to it that does it really even count? No, no, it doesn't. It doesn't. That's an interesting way to justify the displacement of POCs that you have caused on Los Angeles. Look. It's a new one. It's interesting. Let's dive into that later. Yeah, no, I've been in L.A. for 13 years. So I definitely, like you guys, am very much like an L.A. girly. Definitely self-identify as an L.A. hot girl. Gen Z has taught me if you want to be hot, all you have to do is decide you are. So I'm like making up for lost time, just living my best life in L.A. as a Silver Lake. Okay, so what would you say are the top three Silver Lake Hot Girl spots if Jason and I were kind of looking to build with our own kind? Are we missing anything? And you can't say Erewhon. That's an obvious one. No, of course. I mean, don't embarrass me. I think that, like, sadly, like, I go to Starbucks a lot. Why is that sad? Starbucks is dope. They have drive-thru. They have app. It's sad because I live in the coolest neighborhood for coffee shops, but I do the road a lot for stand-up, and so that consistency of getting an iced, shaken oat milk espresso at a Starbucks is a very important part of my anxious attachment. Iced, shaken, oat milk espresso. Honestly, if I saw you at Dinosaur Coffee, that's more embarrassing than Starbucks. Explain. I love that, though. Dinosaur Coffee just feels like a... I don't know. It feels like a...

it feels like it's a daycare and like a gym. The vibe is like, I don't, the vibe is just so, the product is pretty good. Honestly, like the coffee is pretty good, but it's just like too dorky. Okay. It's too dorky. I totally agree. And there is something about dinosaur coffee to me that screams like I'm in my twenties and I just got here. And I've noticed like, since I've become like a more adult, you know, I'm 34. I'm like really on this pedestal of like, I'm not in my twenties and I didn't just get here. And so like, I know things. What I'll say also, in addition to your takedown of dinosaur coffee is if the coffee shop is not making their own homemade. in-house blended version of a nut milk i'm kind of like what is the point of you and why are you what do you want from me but starbucks doesn't make their own do they or do no they don't and starbucks but they're in a different category yeah they're yeah they're in the category of like i'm gonna be in cleveland this weekend and i need to feel comfort in some way yeah but i would say like you know you ask like spots for It's just Silver Lake spots, whatever. It's, like, at least a place like Go Get Em Tiger. They're putting in effort. They're making their own milk. I know what I'm paying for. I know why I'm getting in my cart and going there. There's a purpose. Whereas a place like these other random spots, I'm like, what are you really giving me that I can't do? It's not value. I'll tell you that. No, it's definitely not value. Well, I've noticed the same thing. I drink a lot of coffee at home. I just make a pour over. That's it. But otherwise, when I go out, I'm often going to Starbucks just because the clientele at a lot of the third wave. 20 something. Yeah. You know, I'm going to work on my art project on my laptop, coffee shops like that all over the world, not just in Silver Lake. It's just an insufferable crowd that I don't want to be around. And I would rather hit the drive through at Starbucks. I don't want to go to. I don't. Starbucks is too gross for me. And it's not even like a snob thing. I just don't like it. But I'm in a similar position as Jason. I went to a local coffee purveyor that I once loved and still love the product. And the crowd was so insane that I couldn't.

I almost didn't want to leave because I was waiting for it to get worse. I think it comes with age, honestly. The barista has green hair. There's like a fat lesbian that works in a writer's room with like a giant dog. There's like nerdy couples and matching crocs. It's like every single bad thing. And they were all interacting with each other as if it was okay. That was the most shocking part. It was like I was the freak for being like a guy going to play tennis. Wait, this is where the most obvious hypocrite in me comes out because I'm like, wait, that sounds fun. I want to be amongst the people. I want to know what's out there and see what people are wearing. Okay, so as much as I feel very above people who are younger than me. And don't know how to use the Starbucks app. I also want to be amongst the people. Yeah, but Esther, that's what Phoenix and Cleveland are for. Because then you're like, oh, I'm just stopping through. I just wanted to see this fucking circus going on here. But when it's in LA and it's your choice of where you get to go and you can go wherever you want, then that's when it starts feeling kind of eww. It's actually a theory I've developed. as a person who lives in West Hollywood and I don't want to be on the East side because the, the West Hollywood freak. is such a different kind and so far from me that I look at it as an alien being that I can just observe. Whereas if I'm in Silver Lake or Los Feliz, it's like, oh, these are people I kind of know. They have your same tats as you. They're wearing the same sweatshirts as you. It's tough. They're watching the same TV shows as you. You could talk about Fleischmann is in trouble at any time. The Fleischmanns are in trouble and all that stuff. Unfortunately, no. The people that are watching the same TV shows as me are my gay brothers in West Hollywood. is not it is not these snobs in in on the east side now wait do you guys know of this concept called the third place yeah it's called equinox oh okay no it's called the barber shop for real that's where i can say all my locker room jokes with the fellas okay because i'm really on my pursuit of of looking for a third place for myself and like sadly whenever i do think about i'm like a coffee shop is like

My best option. You should check out this new cool place called Soho House. It's pretty affordable, but you can kind of hang out there. Use me as a referral. Have you ever thought about hot Pilates or hot yoga as your third place? Is that something that you do, Esther? Oh, no. Every time I go to one of the classes, I leave. I leave like 11 minutes in in a shame, like running out, and it just doesn't work out for me. Really? Yeah. So you do 10, snot, cry, and then you run out? Yeah. Forget your shoes, the whole thing. Yes. Okay, so that's a bad third place for you. But I think people hanging out at the coffee shop, it just doesn't really happen anymore unless you're like a college student. You're right. Or unless you're like a drug dealer. Oh, okay. I'm not that. Yeah, you're neither of those things as far as I know. I think hanging out, I have a whole thing too about I don't use my laptop in public. I don't want people to see me working. Unless it's an airplane. Airplane is probably a good third place because both of you guys are travelers all the time, right? LAX is my third place. That's such a flex. I'm so intimidated. I travel on airplanes sometimes. Esther, don't tell me that you're a JetBlue girl. Hell no. I can't be because most of my flights are in and out of the Midwest and JetBlue is not friendly to that. So I have to go like... american airlines i was a virgin girl but you know that got taken away from us yeah um so yeah american airlines united so you spend are you from the midwest yeah i grew up in skokie a suburb of chicago that's famous for a kkk march heard of it no i haven't actually i've heard of skokie yeah and i'm not telling you what yeah you're not i mean never mind It does sound like a slur. The word Skokie does sound negative to me. It sounds like a brand of chewing tobacco. It does sound like a southern slur. You're being a fucking Skokie. How far away from the city is that? Shy city. Shy town. Okay, so let me paint the picture. I would say we're about 20 minutes from the city. I grew up on the border of Skokie and Evanston, so Northwestern University campus is very much...

like a play in my childhood. Yeah. And the reason we're famous for a KKK march is because Skokie had the highest concentration of, that's a weird word for the rest of the sentence. Of all the words, Esther. Of all the fucking words. The largest number of Holocaust survivors. And so that's why the KKK chose to march there. And we have this beautiful Holocaust museum. It's like a very Jewish community. It's very, it's very lovely. So then the KKK took, they went up north. crossed the mason dixie line and said we're gonna get them where it hurts the most yes fuck those kkk guys and beautiful skokie okay so it's not as nice as i make it sound just to be clear oh don't don't worry it doesn't sound nice when is that gonna start well when you're when you are traveling a lot on your airlines that are not delta to these sort of B cities. What are you doing when you, when you touch down in Phoenix or Cleveland, like when you're, you're alone traveling most of the time, right? Sometimes I travel with friends and sometimes I go alone, but a big part of the routine is like locating the nearest, um, Starbucks or, you know, some version of like an oat milk latte and getting on the Postmates. And that's pretty much it. Yeah. Like getting on the Postmates. Okay, so you'll go in, you get into your hotel room, you hang up your evening gown for tonight's show, and then you start ordering different foods and drinks for the day. Yeah, if it's not winter, definitely I'm a big walker. Okay. A lot of walking around the city. I'm not a big tourist. This is my problem with travel. I don't really know what to do besides eat or drink. Uh-huh. And so, like, I recently went to Italy for the first time with a group of girlfriends. Nothing to do there but eat and drink, so don't feel bad. Right? I'm sure you love looking at old buildings, but after day three, you're like, this church is old. Yeah, Esther, can you answer a question, a challenge for us? Yeah, why do all women love to look at old buildings? Or even just a piece of a building, like this pillar, 1700s.

Still here. I actually think I can answer this after a winter break filled with a lot of Pinterest. Pinter break. It takes you. You go away. You go somewhere else. It's a magical fantasy world, I think. But you want to be transported to a time of yore because they treated women better back then? No, it has nothing to do – it's a fantasy. So there's no – I didn't really – it's not like I'm thinking about the facts of what it was like when that was happening. It's more just like – Take me anywhere but here. Yes. It's like closing your eyes and imagining that you're holding hands with Pacey on Dawson's Creek. It's not like he's that good of a guy. That's why I listen to Morrison. But he's – better than what she got very much yeah and anywhere but here is really what so chicas like to be transported yeah do you guys not also like looking at old buildings no way no i i hate i mean i'm cool with it i i'm fine with it but it's not something that i yearn for you know what i mean the idea of walking around in oppressive heat in it's sweating through my clothes to look at a building that i don't care about that usually has some sort of like religious tone that i also don't care about and then it's also surrounded by stinky people is not really top top of mind for me um but i do find that i'm the outlier because most people men and women uh you know do like that more than i do i actually think i am more in alignment with you because it's out do you only like eating and consuming beverages on vacation as well Damn, Esther, you really know me. I only like consuming beverages all the time. Water and coffee and then an occasional third beverage that could make it into the rotation, coconut water. Never a tea. That's disgusting. Hot water is not. It doesn't do anything for me. It's like soup. Esther's looking for her third place. Chris is looking for his third beverage to sort of zip into it. You're saying that when you're in Italy with the girlies and they're ordering the charcuterie plate and the pasta courses and the whole thing, you're like... Should we get another?

Spritz? No. Fuck it. What I enjoyed of travel was being with friends and sharing meals and trying new foods. And I didn't as much participate in the beach. You should do that at the Glendale Galleria, though. Yeah, you've been to a food court? For a lot cheaper. I'll take you to Chick-fil-A, Wendy's, and Arby's in one sitting, and we'll see what's really good. Yeah, with friendship, too. Well, that's the thing. I also feel like I would rather go to a movie theater with a large popcorn and a soda than travel Europe. I do think that that's more better for me. Travel to Babylon instead. It's because traveling is extremely overrated, and I come from a place of privilege where I am able to travel for my job and for pleasure, but I don't think I... I don't know. I hate the movies, too, so I don't know where I'm supposed to go. Interesting. What do you like? I love that you don't like a lot of things. Well, I mean, all kinds of stuff. I love reality television. I love going to the grocery store to overpay. I love being on a plane. He likes music that has guitars in it. Remember that, Esther? Yeah, I love music with guitars. You're probably not old enough to remember that, but yeah, music with guitars. Stuff like that. Before all this oomps oomps happen. I love books, you know. I love stuff like that. But, yeah, I just don't. He loves a good tie, a good necktie. What the fuck? What are you talking about? I mean, I guess I like ties as much as the next guy. Wow, really defensive about the ties is interesting. We both clocked that, didn't we, Esther? I just don't think that's like a brand pillar for me necessarily. Okay, okay. Well, I mean, he used to like drugs, and now he replaced it with fitness. Yeah. And I think, Esther, are you still on a cannabis cleanse or have you given in to the spleef? Here's my story. Also, Jason, it's a treetox. You coined that. Treetox is the term we use for detoxing from cannabis. Treetox, which is good. So I had never tried drugs or alcohol for my entire life.

Until I was 33 last year, I tried. No way. Yes. Skokie straight edge till 33? Yeah, it's a little weird. That's amazing. It's like me, Dane Cook, and Donald Trump that have been sober our whole lives. It's such a bad list of people. Me and the fellas. I don't know who's more toxic and damaging to this country. It's so scary, like my ears. How is Dane, by the way? Love the guy. Next question. So then I randomly got in the situation where I tried weed and loved it and then literally had it every single day. Okay, hold on, hold on. Randomly got into this situation where I smoked weed. Which celebrity passed you the blunt and you couldn't say no? I wish it was something like that, but no, I've said no to many celebrities the last 13 years of not wanting to do drugs. In fact, like so many cool, smart people. trying to convince me, and I was just like, no, I'm scared. Can you name it? So it was just a random unhoused person on Bellevue who was like, yo, hit this real quick. And you're like, you know what? Today's the day. No. You're saying that Chelsea Handler has good weed. Like, it's fine. Who's one super cool celeb that was like, yo, hit this, Esther? And you're like, mm-mm. I'm fine with my Starbies. I think they've all been since Me Too, so it's not worth, like, associating the names. So basically what I was, um, I had this like very painful situation. Like I'll just be honest, like trigger warning. So I had a miscarriage, which is all, it's all good. Like everything's fine. Um, but afterwards I had to have this surgery, which some may call it an abortion. And, um, it ended up being really, really painful. And I was in this situation where I was like, Oh my God, like, I feel like I'm going to die. And I had never really taken a prescription drug or anything. And I, had this hydrocodone from the doctor. I took it. It immediately made all my pain go away. And I was like, oh my God, is this what it's like to be high? I love this. I want to feel this all the time. And then my guy friends were like, they were like, do not take another hydrocodone for sure.

We think what you want is weed. And so then I tried edibles and was like, oh, this is fun. And so then I became addicted to weed for a year, but recently took two weeks off. So that's my long, sad... Okay, follow-up question. Do you still have the hydrocodone? That's why your friends are like, no, no, no, don't take another pill. How many do you have in there? Esther, I know it says expired. They don't really expire. It's fine. You can get more, right? It's fine. You have chronic pain. Tell the doctor it still hurts. So you took the one pill and you're like, damn, I'm feeling like Kid Cudi right now. Life is good. My chronic pain is gone. My abortion pain is gone. I was smiling. Why not do this every day? Yeah, exactly. For the first time, I smiled. It was so – I was in my parents' basement. I was on the futon where I sleep just smiling, and I was like, this is where – This is honestly going to make me relapse. This description of being high at your parents' basement is exactly – Yeah, if you could be this happy and serene while on a futon in your parents' basement, which is usually like a rock-bottom situation, and you're like, I am – Yeah, you're feeling good. You're flying high in Skokie, going off the codeine. Yes, it was really remarkable. But like all addicts, it then spiraled me into doing drugs every day for a year and a half. Like all addicts, she's been doing drugs for one year. Okay, but did you find the marijuana consumption? help hurt like your day to day out your process as far as your tolerance increase to the point where it was becoming a problem for you these are all great questions so for me what are you saying i quickly realized it was something that i did not like doing during the day it made me feel really like sad and lazy in the day but like basically my routine is like after i do a set because i do stand up at night most nights i would just come home you know cruise out on some edibles

Cruise out? Cruise out, as they say. As they say, yeah, as they say, as the weed doers. Did it ever get to the point where, like, you have the edible in your hand, and as soon as you go offstage at the store, they're like, all right, that's the next one. And then you pop it down as soon as you're leaving the stage, or you wait until you get home and brush your teeth and wash your face? Of course, the second I'm offstage. Of course, those are moments. Of course, before I went onstage, because I knew it would hit at the right time. Like, I've done it all. Oh, Jason. Yeah, if you have to get off stage and sit at a table in a corner with Chris D'Elia for 30 minutes, I'm going to be hitting the pack, too, right before. I'm going to need at least 30 milligrams. Yeah, I'm going to need at least 30. If I'm going to have to sit on his lap, I'm going to have to get something in me. Exactly, exactly. Okay, so then you were like, okay, it's the end of the year, new year, new me. I've taken stock. I've been journaling. Maybe I'll take a tree talks for two weeks, three weeks, four weeks. Yeah. yeah so just to overall like weed had has been a very positive you know thing in my life like it's made me feel relaxed in a way i've never really felt before it's made me like realize that my relationship with my parents is like a little emotionally incestual and like it's just like really made me see shit right and so then i did realize wait i can't go a day without this i should take a break and never was able to but then i got a cold and that just like classic i got two weeks off from it feeling really good about that now this seems to be a big topic of going on and off like what is that relationship what is your deal with that i i don't have a deal with that that's jason's deal okay i'm off i mean i'm sober it's been like six years yeah he's he's fully sober he's fully sober so the only time he gets a treat is when it's like a cookie or something um but for me Speaking of going to Italy for two weeks, now every time my annual summer trip to Italy or wherever it is, Greece or Spain or whatever. Okay, we get it. This podcast is doing well. Relax. Jesus. No, I'm just saying, like, whichever place that all the influencers decide you have to go to this next summer, you know.

Once you do that with international travel, I don't want to bring a bunch of drugs on there. So those two weeks that I'm in Italy, that's when I take the time off from the drugs. And then you sort of have to white knuckle going to sleep every night. You replace it with fine Sicilian wine. I was about to say, you just get extremely drunk and smoke more cigarettes is how you, I think how you kind of deal with your tree talks. Look, we all cleanse differently. That's true. And then when you get home, you're just like, all right. You've got all the dreams and nightmares out of your system. It's cute that you guys are doing this because any drug addict will tell you that the detoxing part is just so the drugs hit harder the next time you take them. That's the whole. That's a big part of it. That's the whole point. I mean, you know, if you can make it through, you know, 48 hours. That's why I'm doing the juice cleanse today. So tomorrow I'll have like a quesadilla for breakfast. It doesn't fucking matter. caffeine or coffee like every other day. So that it hits really hard. I don't think I could ever do that, but it is something. I can't do that either. It makes sense. I would love a way to have my caffeine hit harder is what I'm looking for. I'll just put that out there. You should try to snort it. I've never done it, but it's, I mean, it's not. Yeah, you could buy pills and just snort it. The only time coffee really works anymore is when I'm jet lagged. Because I won't sleep on the plane and I'll get to Europe and I will go to the hotel. I'll shower. I'll take a short nap, and then I'll have a coffee, and it feels like I'm on cocaine. It's the only time it really – I'm blasting the fuck off. It's the only time. So lucky, so blessed. I know, and it's not even good fourth wave or even Starbucks. It's just whatever they got. Some shit he got at Vaughn's. Well, Esther, speaking of your oat milk addiction, have you ever thought about drinking whole cow's milk instead of that unhealthy kind of seed oil cancer-causing oat milk? Okay. death i'm definitely cutting back on oat milk because i am aware of the seed oil issue and it's it's disturbing um yeah yeah whole cow's milk i got big ass titties from it whole cow's milk you have a little problem with it i don't i i would try it i think i definitely am more towards like making my own almond milk is

the better way or do you have a lactose do you have any lactose issues or you are you can you handle everything you're from chicago for christ's sake if i say i do do you need like papers to prove it or like is it okay if it's just like you don't have to show us no we all know that you're lying and you're also probably i have a gluten intolerance it's like i won't die but like i'd rather not i eat everything i don't care anymore i was vegan for like three years and then i now i'm just like give it give me everything um i don't care if it gives me a stomach ache like There we go. Let's party. Let's just party. Let's put anything you got inside this little mouth of mine. I was listening to your podcast, your most recent episode, and you're talking about having a collection of hot girl jars in your house, and we all have that. It's where you put some of your cool products. Chris, I'm sure you have repurposed an Erewhon jar. Who, me? You know, filled it with some cool things like that. But you mentioned that your hot girl jars were all filled with just different nuts. Yeah. Just almonds, cashews, Brazil nuts, macadamia nuts. Are you a bulk man chick? Wow, that's really insulting. Are you just a nutty chick? Absolutely not. The bullpen is really scary to me, germs-wise. That's pre-pandemic. I was ahead of this. That's pre-pandemic, okay. Okay, okay. So, I mean, from a calorie perspective, are hot girls eating this many nuts all the time? Okay, so my relationship with nuts all started when I started opening on the road for Marc Maron. I would go to his house. I'd walk in and there'd just be this most magical smell of like first class. Floored by the smell of nut. Yeah. So you're saying that Marin's crib smell like nut is what you're saying. Yeah. First class nut smell. And so it opened my mind. Are you saying, what is he roasting them? Like, I don't know. Why do they? He's air frying. He's air frying that. So it's like.

What makes you feel more like you're on a first-class flight than a hot nut mix? What makes you feel most like you're living your best, hottest girl life than being someone that just eats a small handful of nuts when they're hungry? There's all of these aspirational elements for me that I get out of eating my own. homemade air fried cashew mix. Cashew is my favorite. That's like the most. Can you drop off, can you kind of drop off a sample for me? I would love to because I'm a big nut mix guy myself and I find that it's more of like a high-end hotel bar association to me. Like if you go to like the Four Seasons, they have a proprietary nut mix. You know, if you go to Bemelman's, even if you go to like, you know, whatever, they usually have. He likes a bar nut. You go. Two espresso martinis and some bar nuts. Because if you don't drink and you just sit at the bar, you have to drink water while these idiots talk to you that you don't really like. The nuts kind of make it okay that you have another hour until you get to have pizza. Yeah. So that's kind of where. But you're saying that you like to keep them around the house to have a little snack because it makes you feel hot. Yeah. Like if I'm, you know, in a rush and a pinch where, yeah, we're eating a snack. I have my jars, right? I pull out the air fryer from the top shelf if I'm in a rush. Air fryer is always out. I'm not like a take and put away. I don't put things away. Things are not going to put away. It's always out. It's always on. There you go. Okay, good to know. Good to know. But yeah, like a main focus of cashews, a couple walnuts, a Brazil nut to get my daily selenium, trying to use that to help my period cramps. Some almonds, but almonds have been not really hitting the spot lately. Well, what happens to a nut in the air fryer? Other than getting warmer in temperature, does it get crunchier? Oh, my God. Are you guys kidding? No, I've never air fried a collection of Brazil nuts in my entire life, believe it or not. I mean, I've had like a hot roasted nut on the street corner in New York.

Not so much on a first-class flight. The Emirates to Dubai is more of an upscale thing than a hot peanut. Esther's definitely taking the Saudi money just for nuts. Hot peanuts, hot peanuts. There's a first-class flight here, hot peanuts. Okay, so walk me through the mouthfeel, the texture, the flavor, the nutritional. Well, let me just put it for you like this. When you go to the grocery store, you can buy your nuts raw. You can buy them roasted. If you're looking for a fun time, you're getting them roasted. That just brings out the flavor. But just imagine you did that fresh at home yourself. You're getting the instant benefits. It's almost like picking a fresh avocado off the tree and cracking it open. So it sounds like the difference between a fresh popped popcorn versus a bag of Boom Chicka Pop that was popped seven months ago. A million percent, yes, and that is my trigger food, so I will have to deal with that. A little popcorn? So good, yeah. When I get my munchie snack attacks, I need homemade popcorn. Well, that's a great trigger food. It's a good, pretty healthy, low-calorie snack, depending on how much butter you're squirting. No, maybe a little melted Kerrygold butter, although I just saw TikTok that Kerrygold butter is not what they say it is. Oh, really? Yeah. What do they say it is? What is it actually? It's just not what they say it is. It's like everything else in our world. It's a wolf in sheep's clothing butter. So you're saying Big Butter is lying to you about the actual contents. Would you be surprised if that's what I was saying? No, nothing surprises me anymore. I wouldn't put it past Kerrygold. What about Tillamook? That I don't know. As a Midwestern girl, I don't want to know. I want to keep that. Pure. Fully and pure. You have the word Tillamook blocked on your TikTok. That's smart. Esther, you often record your podcast alone, and Chris and I have never done that. What are some pros and cons of a solo podcast? It turns into a therapy session really fast. Like last week I reported and just started crying over a friend that had passed away. I hadn't thought about the friend in seven years.

I just think like being by yourself and alone with your thoughts, you find things, much like journaling. I know there's like the saying, you don't really know what you think until you start writing. And that's like how you find out what's going on in there. I have the same experience with the solo podcast. It's like things come out and I'm just like, whoa, I'm way more fucked up than I thought. Or like, I'm really not over that actually. And so it's very, it's like a good experience to learn about. what's going on in there you're taking a look at under the rug with the vacuum and there's a bunch of shit under there yes and i do so i have that's my solo podcast my pleasure and then i have a like a more comedy podcast that i do with two other women and i find that like like basically if you want to have a fun time they can go to the comedy one the solo one is so weird and boring that like i don't expect people to listen to it so i end up being a lot more open and vulnerable And it's just like become a safe place. It's not, I don't recommend it. Okay. Yeah. So you feel like you can get whatever you need out of your system because nobody's listening to it at all. In my mind. Yes. In your mind. But obviously you have a lot of listeners, I'm sure. There's some. There's some freaks out there. Jason, she doesn't want to talk about numbers. She doesn't want to shit on us. No, it's all good. The podcast where I talk about my trauma for 30 minutes a week does better than your little shitty podcast you do three times a week. Not a chance. No, I mean, clearly, obviously it does. It should. Not a chance. But you're a comedian, and so you're used to being on stage talking to a crowd of people alone, so it's probably a little easier for you. The thought of me, or I mean, I don't want to put words in your mouth, Chris, but... just talking into a microphone for an hour straight raw honestly i think if i like sports i could go bill burr mode for sure if i if i like liked something that like regular bros liked that has no emotion attached to it and you can just talk about it for 30 minutes maybe after like the daytime emmys happens or something like that after the after bravo awards after bravo con i could probably do a solo podcast but other than that it might be a little too hard for it might be a little too hard for me right i think because i think with women i think

to get people for better or worse expected to go kind of emotional because it's like like you said it feels like therapy whereas i think i think men it becomes uh much like everything else we do stupid and like ranty you know what i mean and like I just don't think anybody wants to hear that. People love rants, though. The biggest podcasters in the world are ranters. Yeah, but you know what I mean. Even an hour of somebody I like ranting, how much am I paying attention by the last half? I don't know. Yeah. Do you listen as Andrew Tate? Does he do that? I'm a big Tate guy. I'm more into the brother, actually. I just love their take on Romanian culture. It's kind of something I wasn't familiar with before. No, I don't listen to any solo. I can't even think of a man that does a solo podcast besides Bill Burr. Yeah, you know, you bring up sports and not liking them. And I do just want to, almost as a PSA, I used to really hate anything that had to do with sports. time guys talked about it it would just be like oh I hate this because I think growing up like I hated when my dad would put the sports radio station on and then I would just be so bored and like isolated but I've since learned just to you know all all my people out there listening there is a benefit because if a guy likes sports You can, like, drop him off with any other guy, and then they have stuff to talk about. Yeah. And you can just kind of, like. Yeah, it's like taking him to the dog park. Yeah. But you're saying you don't like sports at all. No, I mean, I don't. It's just something I don't care about. It's not like I'm, like, anti. I'm just not going to spend four hours with the fellas eating wings and cracking some cold ones. That's just not for me. I mean, Jason doesn't do it. I mean, Jason's not into it either. I'll watch a game every now and again if my friends are in. to it but yeah it's not something that i have any interest i believe it's a rebel it's a rebellion against my southern upbringing because it's like part of my like college football is literally like in the dna of of southern people so i think that i'm just like that was always not for me

But you make a good point about the usefulness of it because it is true. It's the one thing that brings most men together. It bonds so many people. You'll be glad to know that I was very competitive with the college athletes on my college campus because I didn't like how much attention that they got. I didn't think it was fair. And so I was really mean to them in my classes with them. I'm going to assume you were smarter than them, so you were able to kind of raise your hand and be a teacher's pet. Was that the kind of vibe? Or was it more just, I'm not going to talk to you? It was like more just when they thought they could get away with a half-assed presentation. I was like, I didn't even, I would just be like, I would critique them. And I don't know, I just really didn't like that they got more attention than I did. And I took it out on them. It probably wasn't right of me. But it was what was true for me in the moment. Just because you got the touchdown on the big game doesn't mean you can turn in this slop and expect to get a B-. Yeah. Did you go to a college with a big football program? I went to University of Illinois, UIUC. Urbana Champaign. It's a Big Ten school. Does that sound right? You just said a lot of words. No, that's big. Yeah, I'm familiar with Big Ten football. It's no SEC, but it has a bigger name. Oh, gotcha. Okay, I'm in the wrong league. My apologies. Division, but yeah, league is fine too. Okay. For a guy who doesn't like sports, Chris, you sure know a lot about it. Well, people are, every time we talk about sports in this podcast, they're like, you sure do know a lot about football. It's like, because it's like, it's just in your... Jason, you're from Huntington Beach. You know about surfing and racism. Those are the two things you know about. It's in the water. I know about Holocaust museums and KKK marches. We all have a culture that we bring to the table. We didn't ask for it, but it is us. Esther, I was looking at your Twitter. You tweeted something that caught my eye. feeling sad and ugly is a normal part of the hot girl life cycle this is why people in new york have better summers than people in los angeles yes what is the correlation between between all of that so i wrote this essay for bustle about feeling ugly and it was inspired by like living a life i don't know if you guys relate to this where like you just truly don't know if you're good looking or not and like it's

kind of all dependent on your mood or lighting or like how you slept but ultimately just like how you feel and so I there's one thing I came up with which is like this coping mechanism to deal with what happens when like people on the internet are like you're ugly and it's basically I've decided that I am more empowered when I identify as ugly because Scarlett Johansson can like go out and be a movie star and it's like Big fucking deal. She's beautiful, like good for you. But I feel like if you're not a 10 like her, you're not the like perfect fit to the standard of beauty or whatever. It's like you're actually so much more confident and more special if you're able to find success without being so good looking. So that's like one way that I've decided to cope with it. But then also just embracing that feeling ugly. is good for you because then when you do feel hot, it's like, it's honestly, this is going back to drug addiction. It's like, you know, you take the break, the tolerance, you build that, you know, get that low. So it hits harder. Same thing with looks. It's like, Oh, I want to feel ugly so that on hot days they really hit. Does that make sense? No, I do the same thing all the time. Actually there's like whenever I know that there's an event coming up. a celine fashion show or a new year's eve party whatever it may be the the few days leading up to it you know i won't shave i won't you know like i won't have the same upkeep and then the morning of i'm doing my scrub my mask i'm trimming it up he uses gel i'm using all my gels and i'm steaming my outfit and i'm picking it all out so then when you finally do come out of the door You get that high a little bit more. Yes. But Esther, if you have to go out on stage and do stand-up almost every night, how does that work out? Do you just go up on stage? You know, that's actually a newer thing to me. I think because when I started stand-up, it was really not quite feminism had happened yet. That was a good sentence. But, like, it was really misogynistic. And it was like, especially at the Comedy Store in 2009,

People were like, if you try to look hot as a girl on stage, like you are nothing that's getting in the way of your jokes. Like, so it was very much ingrained in me to like cover your body, wear baggy clothes. And I still do that a lot because of, because of like, that was just so ingrained in me. But, and I actually feel like I do better when I go up on stage feeling like a slob because I feel more like myself. And I'm not trying to be something I'm not. But that said, like when I have a taping or something, I'll do it up and try to make that work too. But no, the way I feel about my physical appearance does not, it's not at play when I'm performing, weirdly. Because I don't, yeah, I don't want it to be. What's more important than looks? But thank you. Well, I think a tight 15 at the Chuckle Hut in Cleveland is more important. You know what I mean? You chose this career. You're saying that's more important. That's on you. Are you the type of person that likes to have your core friend group be hotter than you? Or do you want to be the hot one in the group? Oh, my God. I am by far the ugliest in my friend group. And it always will stay that way. Yeah. I have a little sister complex. Like I grew up with an older sister who's seven years older than me. We're half siblings and her, she's hotter, way hotter, older, cooler. Wouldn't let me in her room. Like had, you know, skinny arms, big boob, great breast to arm ratio that I could never achieve. I've never heard the term breast to arm ratio. Oh my God. You must join the community. Where have I been hiding? Yeah. I need to get more toxic. That has really like. shaped who i am in a big way so i feel like everywhere i go i'm like looking for a cooler big sister and that's like how my female friendships work okay cooler hotter big sisters i like to be i like to be surrounded by hotties as well um and i describe some people that i work with that's part of their appeal it's like this guy can write emails he's on top of it

He looks good. I can take him somewhere. I guess to borrow a real estate term, you want to be the ugliest house on the nicest street. That's the best place to be investment-wise, and that's kind of how we all seem to be. Oh, yeah. Except I'm the hot one in my friend group. But you guys are kind of like that, so it's cool. We're elevating ourselves. Also, you guys know about the cheerleader effect. Do tell. Is that a Netflix show? No, it's an effect. That's an effect, okay. But basically, if you're in a group of girls, you automatically look hotter because you're in a group. It elevates the looks of everyone just by having there be more of you. I've heard of this before, and that's why bottle service was invented. So it all just kind of blurs into one hot energy coming from it. Okay. Yeah. That does make sense. Yeah. My fiance taught me about it, and I'm like, wait, what is he trying to say? We're going to want to flag that. That's interesting. So when are you getting married, Esther? Okay. This is another very complicated question. Okay. I've been engaged for five years. Okay. Yeah, so it's – we're at a standstill. Complete and utter standstill over that to the point where I actually recently changed my last name to his as more of a chest move than anything else. So you're saying like legally changed it? I mean legally on Instagram. Is there a difference? Right, right, right. Oh, so that – because I was like I knew you had – King is the new last name on Instagram. And that does roll off the tongue because I thought, I don't know, I knew your last name was more complicated than that. But I went blackout mode and just read Instagram in this intro. So neither of us, I corrected him and I said, I think the name is Pavitsky.

And he's like, no, no, no. So we're both right. So, yes. And that is a branding issue on my part. Like, I know we want to keep it streamlined and clear, but we're going with Esther King. And I guess it is more of a rebrand than anything else. Esther King sounds like a high-earning OnlyFans account. So I'm going to give you props there. Wait, that's the best compliment I've ever gotten in my whole life. Oh, my God. I might ask you to say that again privately. We're going to need a clean take. Okay, so when you did this chess move of changing your social media profile name to your fiance's God-given last name, how did he react on his chess board of life? He didn't love it, actually. Who would have thought? He didn't love it. Okay. Did he, okay, so did that light a fire under his ass to set a date? Or is this all on him? Or is this something that we don't want to talk about at all? No, I don't mind at all. He's very private, but he won't listen to this. It's fine. Basically, he... What's his first name? His name is Dave King. Dave's a listener. He wants to have a wedding. I do not. Oh. Okay? And that's it. It's like we're literally there. I'm like... I'm like, babe, I will marry you right here, right now. Let's go to the courthouse. Let's do it. And he's like, no, I want my family there. So we're just at this standstill. And we almost thought we were in a compromise zone. And then like these. Is Dave, let me ask you a sensitive question. How's Dave's paper looking? Paper. Do you mean, is that like a financial question? That's right. That's right. Well, it's funny you should ask. Because he's behaving like a person who has money. Wait, is he? No. I don't know. Just answer the question. Miss King, answer the question. Miss King, answer the question. I'm not going to ask you again. By the way, that is true. We are currently Mr. and Miss King. We are not Mr. and Mrs. Okay, so this is more as a joke, but I'll let you see if there's truth on your own imagination. Okay.

When he proposed to me five years ago, he did make more money than me. And now he doesn't. And I'm a little bit like, not in a rush anymore. Now, this is something I talk about on stage. So forgive me for being a hack. So Mr. King, he should have shit or get off the pot. He had his chance. He could have. He was like, I'm making more money than you. We're going to have a wedding because I say so. And you would have been like, yeah, I guess that's the way that cookie crumbles. Now Astor sold a couple scripts. Podcast money is starting to come in a little bit. Honestly. Now you're kind of like, you know. That is a joke. Maybe we do it my way. It doesn't seem like a joke, but go ahead. I would marry him. I don't want a wedding. I don't want to see my family happy most of all. We're just in this weird place. Look, but I changed my last name to his. We're going to be together. It's not an issue of love. It's just you don't want to have a wedding ceremony this badly. Right. Not willing to compromise whatsoever on this. What if Dave just gets a small ceremony? I'll DJ. I just don't want to do a family thing. I also think that like, you know, I know because I do stand up, it seems like I want attention, which. I do, and I think I don't want to have a day where I have to share it with him. That also doesn't sound ideal. No, that's a big problem for you. That's the thing about being a solo artist. When the Spice Girls reunite, they're still a star. You know what I mean? You're stand-up. You're not in an improv group. You need all the lights on you. You're not on SNL because you chose not to be. We're going to get to the bottom of this, why you don't want to have a wedding ceremony. Because, I mean, isn't it usually kind of the other way around with the fella being a little resistant? Yeah, I just did not grow up with that gene of wanting to have babies and have a wedding. I never wanted that. In fact, when my grandma for Christmas gave me a baby doll.

I said I won't drive home with it in the car. It has to be in the trunk. It freaked me out like a baby doll. Very cool. Very cool. Cool chick right here. Cool chick alert. Baby dolls are really germ-heavy, if you think about it. That's all I'm saying. You know, Chris, for a guy who doesn't like baby dolls, you sure know a lot about them. It's true. Sorry, I hate when I use my common sense on the mic. All right, Esther, well, thank you for taking the time to pod with us today. Hopefully Dave does listen, and maybe he'll change his ways. Dave, it's not about the ceremony. It's about... You and I together, coming together. I don't know what Dave does for a living, but I have a feeling if Dave lives in Silver Lake and he's white, he probably does listen to this podcast. I'll tell you this, he will love it. You guys would all be friends, and I love this podcast. So you mean you love doing this, or have you listened to it before? No, I listen to it. One of my best friends is like a... she's a big fan and she turned me on to it. And I love it. And I, yeah. Oh, great. Yeah. Beautiful. Thank you. I love like LA culture. Let's give her, let's give her a shout out. Let's give her a shout out. I'm afraid to say her name publicly because I don't know if she wants people to know that I'm, I identify as her being my best friend, but I will say it. Okay, I will say it. It's a dog whistle. Okay. Her name is Rumi Neely, but you might have to block that out. She follows us. She doesn't give a shit. Okay. It's less about her... like you and that i'm not concerned about that being private more just for being my friend this is kid sister syndrome all over again yes wow you get me she's proud to call you a friend she's proud to call you a friend and you're proud to call her a friend it's beautiful oh my god you guys you guys are healing all my childhood trauma roomie needs you esther yeah who would not who wouldn't be proud to call you a friend thank you successful you're the cashew to her air fryer vice versa damn you didn't have to go that hard bro all right esther appreciate you thank you for coming on how long gone uh and we will uh we'll see you soon for sure thanks for having me all right later bye guys much love